I am the girl you raped
Not sure if you raped me?
TW: Sexual violence & assault
Do you remember? Long ago? I was 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 21, 25, 27, 29, 30, 32, 35, 37… 45. Do you remember me?
You saw that no one was looking after me. You noticed my parents weren't around.
You noticed I was medicating trauma with marijuana, alcohol, and anything I could get my hands on (never heroin or meth).
You noticed I was pretty and smart. You probably thought, if she was so smart, she wouldn't let me do this.
It takes a lifetime to learn about PTSD, and even when you write your Master's thesis on it, there still isn't much. But you probably know that.
Do I remember you pushing me to suck or fuck you on our first meeting? Absolutely.
Do I remember waking up to my first date trying to ejaculate on my face? Absolutely.
Do I remember men sticking their penis in me shortly after miscarriage, abortion, assault, surgery… absolutely.
Do I know all the phrases “I've got to give it the ole college try”, “You can't blame a guy for trying?” “but you always talk about sex….”
Two of those I heard last month as a 46 year old … when I was a child, when I was a teenager, when I was, 20something, 30something, I don’t remember the exact phrases. Now, when they are muttered, I blaze them in metal.
“Come on…”
You see someone you can put your foot on and your penis inside and you do it because you think that is a finder’s rights.
Act like a human fucking being.
