I don’t feel fat…
…until I try clothes on
I have been working from home for the last six months. So I mainly live in sportswear because it’s comfortable, cheap and fast to throw on. If I have a meeting, I might put a smarter t-shirt on, but the vibe of my company is casual, so no one would care if I didn’t.
One of the benefits of working from home is that I don’t have to commute anywhere, so I can use that time to exercise. I try to do yoga, cycle, or some weights every morning before work and go out for a walk afterward.
So even though I’m sitting down for most of the day in between, I still feel as though I’m doing alright on the exercise front.
When I walk around and go about my daily business, I don’t feel fat.
I know that I’m not skinny, but I generally just feel like myself. This is my body. There are bits of it that I’m quite proud of, like how strong my arms are, or how my hip has recovered after having an operation on it last year.
The fact that I can walk and swim and cycle makes me very happy. I think I’m reasonably fit.
If I look at myself naked in a full-length mirror, which doesn’t happen often, I don’t think I look fat either. Maybe a bit around the middle, which is where all the chocolate I eat tends to go, but not horrendous.
I don’t hate the image that I see.
But when I try “real” clothes on, ones that aren’t elasticated, I get a different impression of myself. One that is grossly, hideously overweight.
I’m going to a friend’s wedding in a couple of weeks and I am going to wear a nice dress that I bought a few years ago. It’s a size 14 UK (I usually vary between 12–14) and I got it out of my wardrobe to check that it still fits.
It’s my go-to “wedding guest” dress (I don’t believe in buying a new one for each new wedding as weddings already cost a fortune to attend) but I haven’t worn it for a while now, and guess what? It feels quite tight.
I’m not sure if this is because I’m fatter now, or if it was always tight and now that feels weird after months of wearing such incredibly comfortable clothes.
I also have to go to a conference on Monday and I tried on the smart work trousers that I haven’t worn for the same amount of time. They still fit, just about, but they feel so constraining.
I probably have to accept that my lifestyle is more sedentary now than before, so I shouldn’t be eating the same amount of food, but I also just feel that non-sportswear clothes are so unforgiving!
And so randomly sized.
My size 12 jeans fit fine, but my size 14 dress feels too tight where its hemline grabs at my midsection. I thought my legs were looking nice and toned until I had to cram them into a formal pair of trousers.
Thank god that the pandemic has made wearing sports clothes so much more acceptable, as it looks as though I’ll be wearing mine for the foreseeable future!
