I Don’t Want to Have It All. I’d Rather Be Happy Instead
The perfect life makes me feel like I’m drowning all the time
There is a curse. I call it the curse of having it all. The curse of being a perfect employee, mother, father, friend, sibling, or whomever.
The problem with living the perfect life and having it all? It comes with strings attached. I’ll reframe that. It often comes with giant shackles on our ankles, tugging at us all day long. That’s more apt.
Having it all, and doing it all involves an endless well of chasing one’s tail. Living in the next moment. And battling sometimes crushing fears and doubts.
All the energy that goes into having it all. It is exhausting!
In my own life, I’ve noticed when I’m chasing too many major projects, the wrath of in-authenticity creeps into my life. The beauty in life fades. This means I start living with a hefty dose of in-authenticity.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we keep up this facade of having it all together?
Vulnerability and authenticity are shunned by modern society. People like perfection. They like magnificence. A sense that everyone else has got the secret of life figured out.
Because most people’s lives are overwhelming, chaotic and confusion-laden, hence, they look to other people to stand as beacons of a balanced and flourishing life. This psychological balm is used to inspire us to become greater.
But It can be a double-edged sword. It means we lay a framework for society. Where perfection is never attainable, fleeting, and draining, that is not the formula for a great life.
Deep down many of us are crumbling inside and want to scream to the world, to leave us the heck alone.
We want to flee from our bills, and sometimes our responsibilities, and be left in peace. At least for a week!
I don’t want a perfect life if this is the cost I have to pay. I don’t want my time, energy, attention, and other resources to ever be zapped away. By keeping up with the expectations of others and maintaining this ridiculous facade of a perfect life.
Guess what? Sometimes I’m a hot mess. Heck, it becomes comedy. I’m in all over my head and feel like I’m drowning. All the time.
I have come to a place in my life, where I am okay with that. Most days I’m riding the waves of awesome, and have some shit days. That’s okay. It’s called life.
I’m tired of the meaningless relationships, the flimsy superficial pursuits. In summary, I’m tired of the nonsense.
I’ve since ditched the notion of a perfect life. But on some days (usually sunny ones, after a yoga practice) when my energy is up, and I feel that jolt of life force. I’m like yeap let’s jump on that perfect bandwagon. Why not? Which universe can I take on today?
This joyful feeling doesn’t last long. Soon enough, I’m drowning in information overload. A bursting schedule. And a sinking feeling of groundlessness.
So I’m calling for an abandon of perfect stories. No more perfect days, please. The perfectly organized schedules? How about we chuck that out the window?
Let’s throw abandons to the winds and do more of us.
Let’s deal with daily struggles, with hope, dignity, and resilience. You know the good old-fashioned way. Before the hustle hype, and motivational overflow we hear everywhere these days.
You know what?. All those hard-hustling mentors of ours. They all have crappy days. They're either too caught up in ego, or financial agendas to admit it to the masses that gullibly follow them.
I don’t want to have my shit together all the time. I mean who in god’s name has that? You show me, and I’ll show you a good liar.
I crave some days to not be remembered by anyone. To steal away to nature, with a long and deep boo. To marinate in my awe and wonder with life. Without interruption from friends, family, or damn social media notifications.
These days I want to do me. I don’t want acknowledgement from others. Because even in that lies a trap. A trap to bind our worthiness in the hands of others. Ego stroking is nice, for sure. As I write this it’s not like I don’t appreciate those who read it. But it’s not essential.
I’m not interested in being Miss Perfect anymore. Miss Perfect has cost me so much already. I would rather rest in still contentment of being me and doing me. I don’t want it all.
I invite you to consider all the costs of chasing the perfect life. Chasing that dream. Chasing the praise of others. Is it worth the cost to your sanity and peace of mind?
For me, the answer is hell no.
All I want is to be happy.
