I Have Been With My Boyfriend For 12 Years, But I Will Never Marry Him

Societal pressures will not constrain the life I choose to live

Photo from author, of me and my “husband”

In the early spring of 2012, at age 23, I was freshly divorced.

As the world was being reborn after a hard winter, so was I. For me, my winter had lasted close to five years and had a name — my abusive ex-husband.

In those early months, I reveled in my new found freedom and in my power to chart the course of my life. I also lamented all the things I had missed. Friend’s birthdays, trips I had been forbidden to go on, foods I wasn’t allowed to eat, the list goes on.

To say I was a contradiction of emotions was an understatement. I felt light, but heavy. Free, but scared. Independent, but alone.

I needed understanding, space, and in some respects, child-gloves, as I re-learned what it meant to be me.

What I got, from everyone but my closest family and friends, was much different.

I will never forget the day that my work found out I had gotten divorced.

First, I had been the talk of the office for being married in my early 20s. Now, when I was divorced, I was a new set of jokes. A new slew of assumptions.