I’m Not an Independent Woman
And I Have No Desire To Be One.
The world of content around us keeps telling us that we need to become independent. As a woman, no matter where you get your information from, this is a message that is unlikely to miss you. Whether you’re reading an old-school, hard cover magazine, surfing relevant blog posts or just scrolling on social media, the message is clear. Its time to become independent.
I myself am a LinkedIn Top Voice for gender equity, and a coach for women to help them live the career and life of their dreams or the one they haven’t even dared to dream of yet.
And even so, I stand by my statement -
I have no desire to become an independent woman.
The word independent essentially means not depending on another.
I am a 30-year old working woman who has a day job, runs my own coaching business, is a writer/creator, even a published author and most importantly, mother to an eight month old.
And let me tell you, that bio may sound like its written for an uber- independent woman, but in fact, this is all only possible because I am dependent.
Let me talk to you about 4 ways I am dependent on another (aka — not independent). Rest assured, this is not an exhaustive list, but it shall give you an idea of what I’m trying to convey.
- I live with my in-laws:
This isn’t entirely unusual in my country. I live in Mumbai, India and the nuclear set up is new to us, and living with family is more common than you’d think. And while I work from home, and I’m very present with my son, having their help, is what allows me to work stress-free. I know my son is surrounded by love even in the moments I spend on calls or behind my laptop screen. And so its only fair to say, I depend on them.
2. My mother lives five minutes away from my home:
If I wasn’t lucky enough to have my in-laws help share the load, my mother is just a call away. I work from her house at least once a week and once again, when I’m working, I know my son is enveloped with love and I need not worry. She won’t just ensure that he is well fed, but even that I am pampered with my favorite home cooked meals. And that makes this balancing act so much easier. And I would scream it from a rooftop, that I depend on her.
3. I have hired help:
A nanny to help with my baby (yes — it takes a village!), and a housekeeper to cook our meals and clean our home. Again, this is very common in most Indian households. I am so grateful I can afford these additional pair of hands. And they live in our home, and sort of become extended family in a way. And I have no qualms in saying, I depend on them too.
4. My husband is an equal partner:
My husband walks the talk when it comes to an equal partnership. Whether in splitting the bills between us or rocking our son to sleep, among many other miscellaneous daily activities, he is right next to me through this ride. And on some days, he will even offer a foot or back massage to say goodnight. And more than anyone else, I depend on him.
And this list is far from over. I depend on friends emotionally, I depend on extended family socially, I depend on colleagues at work and so it goes.
And no matter what our circumstances, or choices, chances are we do depend on other people. And I hope we do and we can.
So am I here to tell young woman there is no need to be independent? Not exactly. I earn my own money. So if I ever were to pay for everything fully instead of partially as I do today, I could do it with a little more work. If I was to ever not have help to raise my son? I could do it all by myself but I’d just be more tired.
What I’m trying to say is -
If I had to, I could be an independent woman.
BUT
I have no desire to be one.
