Is it Modern Woman’s Fate to not Fit In?
I often wonder, why does a woman always have to prove her worth?
What does it mean being a woman in this time and age? We often think about this only around March 8th when International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated in mainstream media. But what about the rest of the year? Has women’s situation changed at all? Yes and No.
Woman vs Modern Woman
Needless to say, I am woman. But there are so many definitions to a woman. I am a modern woman. I was born in the 21st century in a family which was fairly well off. I did not face any levels of malnutrition, undernourishment, trauma or violation. Like the scores of women in history, I did not have to struggle for the basic needs, or freedom to exist and express. That makes me a modern woman whose paths are slightly different from our predecessors and yet our struggles are very much relevant to our time. We too go through our share of rampant discrimination, condescension, and are patronized at every juncture in our lives. But maybe, just maybe we don’t die just for raising our voices now. In some parts of the world, we still do.
Women — A Third Entity in most Mainstream Religions
I have often wondered why a woman is always viewed from the lens of impurity or sin, in most of the prevalent religions of our times. Eve ate the forbidden fruit enticed by Satan and was thus sentenced to a lifetime of sorrow. Christianity has burned at stake thousands of women blamed for witchcraft. Islamic states still dictate women to cover their hair and faces in a veil and impose many restrictions on their basic rights and freedom. In Hinduism, which technically worships women as a symbol of strength or Shakti, menstruation is a time when women are considered impure and are not supposed to enter temples. These instances are too many to count. Ever wondered why half of the world’s population is made to occupy a different reality day in and day out?
Doesn’t Beauty Lie in the Eye of the Beholder?
These days girls in their teens struggle with the shifting beauty standards projected by the media. In India, there is a rabid obsession with fair skin. Young girls are made to apply “fairness” creams or beautifying products to “clear their complexion”. In the traditional marriage situations, deep skin tones are a deal breaker. So is body weight. So many in our generation, have gone through or go through body image issues due to conditions like PCOD. In these cases, it is often very difficult to lose the excess weight and it can lead to health complications if not done in a sustainable way. However, dark skin, excess weight is always attributed to the girl or the woman’s incompetence.
Family — the Safe Space
Family in the traditional and modern context is supposed to be the safest space for an individual. But when that individual is a woman, the dynamics seem to change. In eastern part of the world, a girl child is still treated very differently than a male child. Siblings often grow up in the same household, witnessing discrimination on a daily basis. Girls are taught household chores and made to help out in the kitchen while every whim and fancy of the boys is indulged. This is slowly changing as more work is being done at grassroots level in society but the change is painstakingly slow.
Is Society Empathetic to Women?
Society is rarely kind to women, especially younger women. Older men tend to treat women with a degree of “How dare you” disdain. Surprisingly, many elder women also do this. We often advocate the idea of mentorship in corporate spaces. Senior women should mentor younger women in their professional careers. This is a win-win situation as the younger woman can learn through the lived experience of a senior executive who has seen it all. And the senior executive can also learn from the younger generation, new perspectives and a fresh outlook towards work and life. Unfortunately, this only works in the professional space. When it comes to personal experiences, women often find it hard to be kind to other women.
The Politics of Love
Outspoken and successful women find it hard to find love. And demure and docile women find it hard to maintain their say in a relationship or a marriage and end up taking a step back, if not becoming a total doormat. Men often have this check list for their ideal woman and real women more often than not find it hard to fit into this dream. Much has been said and written about how a woman should act or be in order to attract the right man. We don’t often talk about how a relationship should be equitable for both the parties involved. Yes, there are men in this world who are equal partners to the women in their lives but we need more such men and perhaps we need them to be vocal as well.
Age — The Ultimate End Game
Staying relevant as one ages, is something that both genders tend to struggle with. Women if they are mothers, find themselves to be more like an appendage to their children at this point. If women are educated and empowered, they often realize with time and an empty nest, that they should have interests beyond home and kids. But if they are not aware enough, it falls on their lot to bear the brunt of mistreatment and callousness. And if they are not mothers as they grow older, the society fills the gaps with greater degree of unkindness.
My Journey as a Woman so far…
I grew up in a traditional family and a middle class society. Though there was no specific lack, I witnessed my share of discrimination being a girl child. Even if I topped the class, my grades were barely acknowledged by my extended family. The boys mattered more off course. When I chose to pursue STEM as a stream of study, I was met with a lot of skepticism and a fair dose of condescension. Maybe not at university, but as an analyst starting out in Technology was a tough battle. Technology was and is supposed to be a male bastion. Women in Tech have to be more capable if not absolutely outstanding. Now, slowly and painstakingly climbing the steps of leadership, I see new set of challenges that I need to win over. I often wonder, does it have to be so difficult for women to make ourselves heard. And is it even worth it, the relentless struggle to shatter the proverbial glass ceiling? When will the world level up for us? Or will it ever?
Thank you for reading. Until next time!
