Is It Time to Surrender to Being The Milkmaid?
My reaction to one man’s ignorance.
“So, tell me, what life stage are you at?”
As I write it down, it seems like an odd question to ask anyone. However, for 30-something year old women, we have quickly come to learn that this is a poorly disguised attempt to understand “are you going to start pushing out babies soon?”. My friend was confronted with this question in a job interview.
This sparked outrage on the girls WhatsApp chat. Flurries of 3-minute voice notes were thrown back and forth. Rants about men, screwing the patriarchy and commiserations that she had to endure an interview with a person of such low emotional intelligence.
We ripped this man to shreds, we take no prisoners on the WhatsApp chat.
Still, this encounter did fill us with a sense of dread. Will any career move now be plagued by employers, terrified that we will go forth and procreate? Thinking we will surrender to our so-called natural desire, to birth and raise many plump little cherubs as soon as we have passed our probation period.
I am unsure of whether I wish to be a mother, do I now need to announce this in a job interview?
“Good to meet you, so you know, I’m single and I’m not sure about kids.”
If this is the case, getting it out of the way at the start would be most appropriate. Break the ice, ease their minds.
I discussed this with my Mum, expecting great sympathy from a fellow woman of the world. Instead she exclaimed:
“I was a business owner, I get it, not everyone can afford the maternity leave”.
She was driving, so did not see my eyes disappear into the back of my head.
THAT IS NOT THE POINT! The point is why did he have to say that!
Chatting away, she went on to say that she had advised her friend who wanted children to take a nice admin job at the local university. Maternity leave and flexi-time aplenty! Said friend did just that! She had a wonderful life both working and raising children, living the so-called dream.
Mum soon realised that I had been silent throughout this interaction. Perhaps, she could also hear the muscles in my cheek working in over time, trying to hold my tongue. She made an attempt to back pedal, still not quite to my liking. A friend of ours had landed a job at a large accountancy firm, “fantastic maternity package”. Exhausted by this exchange, I exclaimed that this was not the conversation I wanted to be having. Holding back the tears, I changed the subject. I cry when I’m exasperated.
The sad thing about this, is that I do get it. Not the question this man had asked my friend, but the concern he has for his business. Maternity leave is expensive and time consuming, yet essential. If we wish raise a new generation of, let’s face it, taxpayers, to keep the wheels on the country, time needs to be allocated to raising them. I have hope that there will be a new generation of generous and hardworking people to look after us all. So I won’t die at a desk, or at least if I do, it will be my desk in my own home and not in an office block. Will this generation be born solely to accountants and administrators?
It’s quite distressing, that as 30-something year old woman, we are destined to spend the next 10 years subjected to intrusive questions and preconcieved ideas. Maybe, even looked over for jobs. This was a point that Mum and I agreed on. Is it our destiny to work for government organisations or one of the big four? Or should we give in to the inevitable, become the milkmaid to many a gorgeous baby.
I get it, but also fuck you.
