Learning
Leaving the Guilt-Self Care Loop
Guilt can be a signal that our self-care compass has shifted off-course.
The Problem
We exist at the mercy of our physiology. It contains us, it sustains us.
It makes us love and hate. It gives us clarity and confusion. The only way forward is harmony with ourselves.
Self-care comes up a lot when you try to learn how to build harmony within yourself. The need to slow down. To indulge in quiet. To nourish. To caress. Smoothen and strengthen. Silence. Stillness. Slow soft music.
But amidst this serenity, there’s often guilt that rears its spiky head. Productivity guilt. Efficiency guilt. And the ever persistent question:
Am I being selfish for taking time for myself?
Then there’s the flip side of the story. You are at peak productivity. Efficient. Always on the move. Sorting s**t left and right. Amidst the ticked off to-do list and cards moved from in-progress to done, there’s one thing that stubbornly holds its place: guilt.
What kind of smart, capable, modern woman doesn’t value herself enough to invest time in self-care?
When lessons of constant sacrifice and nothing-but-the-very-best performance are drilled into our brains from all angles; Like a funhouse mirror, these expectations distort our perception of self-care. Anytime we prioritise self-care, guilt rears its spiky head and says, “Why are you not focusing on your goals? Your responsibilities? Lazy! Selfish!”
So we grind and hustle and toughen it out. Then, guilt rears its head again and whispers:
“Are you really going to allow external pressures to override your needs? Do you value yourself at all?”
The cycle of battle continues between our internal compass for self-preservation and the social signposts that steer us toward conforming to hustle-culture norms.
The Realisation
As we think and we worry, we realise, it’s not a battle at all but a delicate dance between balancing our well-being and our role within a larger community. We zoom out and look at this tug-of-war between taking time for self-care and the ensuing guilt, or forgetting self-care and the ensuing guilt. This needs to end, we decide.
How can we find balance?
The Redefining
To navigate, we redefine. We look at self-care. We look at guilt. We look at our productivity-based sense of worth.
Self-care isn’t just about indulgence or detachment. It’s about nurturing the vessel that enables us to navigate life’s challenges and be an effective member of our community.
True self-care is an act of self-preservation, allowing us to recharge so we can show up for ourselves and others.
Guilt can be a signal instead of a sign of failure. An indicator that our self-care compass has shifted off-course. A not-so-gentle reminder to recalibrate and realign with our true needs.
By talking to our guilt without judgment’s attendance, we can make guilt a comrade in self-awareness and growth.
The Result
We can transcend the tug-of-war between ‘Doing for ourselves’ and ‘Doing for others’ through a redefined perspective of self-care and guilt. We can nurture ourselves without reservation and embrace the guilt as a guiding light to course-correct, rather than a siren song of failure.
We can harmonise the needs of ‘me’ and ‘we’.
We can foster a compassionate relationship with ourselves and balance the demands of the world around us.
Thank you so much for reading. If my writing resonates with you, you can find more on my Medium Profile.
