Let’s Talk About Platonic Friendship
The kind of relationship I want the most
“One good friendship will outlive forty average loves.” — Unknown
I’ve shared my thoughts regarding romance, men and similar themes before. What I haven’t talked about is exactly the sort of relationship I’d like to have, if any at all. I’m at the point in my life where I couldn't fathom the idea of a romantic relationship.
The truth is every one of my past “romantic” relationships has ended up draining my soul. I was depleted inside and out and felt lost in a familiar yet haunting world. These are chapters in my life I’m in no hurry to revisit.
There were a mix of factors that left me highly wary of ever getting into a romantic relationship again. I’ve struggled in romantic relationships to not lose myself and to live my life unhindered by the desires or demands of a partner. It’s never been a huge success.
I’m now at the point where I have zero desire to be in a relationship any time soon. I love being single. I feel most balanced, sane and complete when I’m unattached to anyone romantically.
I feel a freedom and serenity in my life I simply haven’t gotten while in a relationship. I feel I’m walking in my truth, for the most part, no one is interfering or worse hindering my vision of life.
There is such a sweet liberty in navigating life without a romantic partner. I don’t know if I’ll stay single forever, but I’ve entertained the notion of it. I’m not scared by this, and I’ll welcome it if my life plays out this way.
Still, If I ever entertained the idea of being with a partner in future it would have to be in a platonic relationship. Or a platonic romance. Where no sexual intimacies are exchanged, and where the focus is on building a genuine friendship between us.
It’s easy to think one is head over heels for someone when physical intimate distance is diminished. But this could easily just be limerance or lust cluttering our minds and emotions.
I want a bare minimalist style stripped-down sort of relationship. Where the foundations of our connection are forged through friendship. There is a graceful purity to this sort of relationship. It’s one I’ve never experienced with a man before. Still, I welcome the idea of it.
I’m finding that my most loving, playfilled, and respectful relationships with men have being through platonic friendship.
Living apart together, yes, please
I also could never live with another grown adult. So we would be in a living apart together situation. I like my home, I like the way I run it and decorate it. I like returning home at the end of the day knowing I have time and headspace to nourish my body and soul, without thinking of anyone else.
I believe a lot of problems in relationships arise from the fact that people are in relationships with others who aren’t their friends. I also feel that collectively women are encouraged to merge their lives and sense of self into another without question. All in the name of building a relationship. This doesn't have to be the case.
We’re encouraged through media, friends and family to focus on physical passion, and other logistics of maintaining an appearance of a relationship. Basic things like friendship, understanding, and clear communication can seem secondary in a relationship. This shouldn't be the case.
Because with deep and true friendship comes respect, consideration, compassionate communication and tolerance. Friendship is such a beautiful thing, yet the world teaches us to focus on romance mostly. Why is this?
I want a friend rather than a lover. A companion rather than a husband. I don’t need any of the superficial trappings of a relationship with all the hype. Just give me a simple, dull yet real friendship anytime.
I don’t want a man who sees me as a live-in maid, social accessory, therapist, sex toy, or amateur counsellor. I want someone who sees and respects me as an equal. Who values our friendship above all else?
If partners are friends with each other there is automatically trust and respect. They know they can count on each other to act in their best interests.
There is no competition, putdowns, letdowns, cheating, harsh words, abandonment, or belittlement in true friendship.
This is the kind of relationship I want with a man, whether that will happen is another thing.
“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden.” — Unknown
Writer’s note: I’d be interested in reading your thoughts on this topic in the comments section. Not everyone thinks like this, and if the mainstream romantic relationship standard works for you, then you do you. But if you have an alternative take on what a meaningful relationship is for you share your thoughts, and thanks for reading.
