Modern Women
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Modern Women

Lost a Crush, Made a Friend

He didn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I lost nothing

Photo by S. Ruvalcaba on Unsplash

I’ve talked about how my first time crushing on a guy went in my story Do You Really Adore Him or Are You Just Blind? It hit me all of a sudden that there was a part of that experience I totally overlooked. With all the hullabaloo of V-Day done and dusted, I think now is an amazing time to talk about D.

In my second year at university, D became my new roommate. I knew D as a senior, but I didn’t know them beyond an acquaintance level. Over the course of a month, D and I began bonding over morning routines and shared take-outs.

Bharati was a friend of mine who knew all about my one-sided interest in Tom. She wished all the best for me. But she also wished Tom would stop bread-crumbing me if he weren’t interested. That’s what he did all summer before college reopened for a new academic year — he kept leaving bits of bread for me to chew on occasionally. When I looked up for more, he’d deny it. One day, Tom popped up in conversation while all of us were chilling after a day of classes.

I was not prepared for the moment when D would ask me all flustered,

“You too have a crush on Tom?”

It should not have surprised me considering how popular Tom was in college. But it sure was a blow on my self-esteem because I knew D and Tom shared classes together and they were definitely better friends.

This also brought forward an unprecedented dilemma: Do we continue hitting on the same guy? How would it affect our friendship if he chose one of us?

We didn’t have to cross that bridge for two reasons. One, D was kind enough to let me know that they were stepping back and giving me a fair chance at romance with Tom. Two, Tom continued bread-crumbing me to the point that I finally decided I had to stop obsessing over him for the sake of my sanity. D must have tried their luck later and was convinced that Tom was not going to choose either of us. We slowly learnt he was hung up over a friend of his who did not want to date him.

D and I comforted each other through it all. On multiple nights, both of us sang along to Taylor Swift’s Gorgeous because the song fit the situation too well. Also because that’s what 20–22 year-olds do when they deal with unrequited love!

A few months after I “officially” gave up on Tom, I met one of D’s best friends. Long story short, I didn’t have to spare another thought for Tom after that chance encounter. Tom was history.

D and I are still friends after they graduated. After Covid hit my country, our college life went online, but we kept our long distance friendships alive. Even though I haven’t seen D in almost a year, we still talk about our love lives. When I come across a meme or a Reel that reminds me of the Tom incident, I involuntarily send it to D without a second thought. That’s how some female friendships go.

Tom, if you ever read this, harbour no regrets that you didn’t find either of us interesting enough. Because we found each other.

You can read all about the Tom incident here.

Here’s the song that helped D and myself get through difficult times. Enjoy ;)




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Anjali Joshi

Anjali Joshi

Indian. Lazy English major and part-time book hoarder|Editor at The Memoirist|Currently grappling with my student and writer alter-egos.

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