Midlife is a Curious Stage. How to Navigate It Well?
It can be fun if you let it be
Life hits a plateau
My average week consists of office work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and being at the beck and call of my family or staff all of who feel I should be present like the sun.
I have to plan a high-level “SEAL team extraction” if I want to do something solely for myself.
Midlife is when you are between 40 and 60 years of age. Whether at home or your workplace, you are neither young nor old. Your kids are growing up and your parents growing older. Responsibility and complexity at your workplace keep growing but hardly any recognition.
Nothing exciting seems to be happening and you often feel too drained.
You realize that life is mostly a set routine filled with mundane activities with hardly any difference from one day to the other. The job is thankless and everyone expects you to do it with a bright smile on your face.
If you are a woman, your body begins to change as you enter your perimenopausal stage of life. Hormone levels fluctuate causing you to go through emotional ups and downs.
Everything feels meh. You are no longer dreamy-eyed, young, a go-getter, and full of life. The realities dawn on you. You stop seeing life through rose-tinted glasses.
It’s possible that you feel stuck, uninspired. Your family might think that you are no fun at all rather bitter or angry. You too are confused; unable to figure out what is it that you want, that can make you happy or feel alive.
Midlife is indeed a curious stage.
It is also an opportunity.
Realize when you are ‘middle-aged’ you have a chance for a whole second career, another love, another life. ~ Sharon Stone
Skillfully navigating midlife
One of the first things I realized as I hit midlife is that the second half of my life has begun. Unlike earlier when I was trying to prove myself to others and get accepted; now all I needed to do is live up to my expectations and prove myself to no one but myself.
Here’s what you can do.
#1 Rekindle the fire in you
Growing up you often make safe or popular choices. You may not have the strength or conviction to choose ‘The Road Less Traveled’. Midlife is the time to reflect on all those wishes and interests and pick up something you always coveted.
I began dreaming of a second career after I crossed 40. My 20-year-old self would have never thought of taking up ghostwriting as a career choice. Now, I am exploring newer interests and pathways. If I don’t do it now, I never will.
My goal is to make the second half of my life filled with new activities, hobbies, and work experiences that have eluded me.
If you have some dreams or passions, now is the time to go after them. Your kids, your partner - everyone is living their lives but you. Go out and live your unlived life.
#2 Prioritize self-care
Whether you like it or not, from here on you will need to prioritize your self-care if you want to lead a good quality life.
a) Get adequate sleep every night, 7–8 hours. Lack of proper sleep aided by fluctuating hormones can play havoc on your body.
b) Exercise regularly. Walk, lift weights, stretch, climb stairs, or do a set of squats. You must find the time to do one of these things every day.
c) Combat stress through mindfulness and meditation. Even a brief 5–10 minutes meditation session in the middle of the day can bring down your cortisol levels.
d) You need your people to sit, chat, unwind, share, connect and belong. I do not mean your spouse or kids or siblings. Find time to connect with friends, and go out to catch up. Your social connections become important as you go through midlife and beyond.
#3 Be assertive, speak up
There was a time I would tag along if someone asked me to. I would agree to watch a particular movie even if I wasn’t too keen. I would go along if someone else ordered for me. That was the obliger in me.
No more.
Now, I am confident in expressing what I want or don’t want. It is no longer about others’ feelings or wishes. I matter too and there are no qualms in keeping myself first.
Even I am a priority.
“When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” ~ Paulo Coelho
Self-discovery and adventure
Midlife is a wake-up call. It is time to get serious. About yourself. You will realize that this is it. This life is all you’ve got to do whatever you want. It is not a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs. This is the real deal.
The onset of midlife has been an amazing self-discovery. For once, I have thrown care to the wind. Enough of others’ sentiments, feelings, and self-sacrifice. It is time to show empathy to me.
While my spouse and kid are busy doing what appeals to them, I am on my path to finding what I want. I am rearranging my priority list. It is definitely not a ton of money or status that I seek but fulfillment. To have a purpose in life that engulfs me with the violence of feelings that are both intoxicating and exhilarating, giving me a high day after day.
To be able to create something beautiful just because I can and for no other ulterior objective. I am stoked and excited about embarking on this adventure called the second half of my life.
If you can relate to this, it’s time to live your life the way you want.
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, & to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” ~ Mandy Hale
Ipshita Guha is an ambivert, who aspires to be a ghostwriter and pass the second half of her life vicariously through those who have exciting lives. She also writes about other stuff on Medium, LinkedIn, Twitter, and her website.
