Mommy, Self-Love ISN’T Selfish: Here’s Why

Self-love is NOT selfish — and I will tell you why PLUS share 6 ways to practise self-love.

Image created by the author in Canva.

A common mistake many people make is to think that self-love is somehow selfish.

This applies particularly to moms.

As a mom, you are expected to care for everyone around you, specifically your baby.

And you also have a lot of other responsibilities on your shoulders, such as:

• Organizing or providing child care.
• Cooking.
• Cleaning.
• Buying groceries and toiletries.
• Provide help (or do!) school projects.
• Be a loving wife.
• And lately, you’re also expected to handle a full-time (paying) job.

So moms tend to put themselves last because it feels like there is not enough time in the day for everything on their to-do lists.

What Is Self-Love?

Self-love means that you ALSO take care of yourself.

It does NOT mean you don’t love others. It’s not either-or. You can have BOTH.

You also need to take care of your own needs, mamma.

Time is a finite resource; if you don’t prioritize yourself, you won’t get around to practicing self-love.

That does mean that some other items will, by necessity, need to be deprioritized.

But I’m here to tell you that taking care of yourself is taking care of others.

You are the most important person in your child’s life. Who will take care of her when you inevitably burn out?

Your connection to your husband is an important relationship not only to yourself and him but also to your child.

How can you give him the necessary care and love when you don’t have energy from running around after everything else?

Self-love = self-care.

Self-love = love of others.

Therefore: Self-love is the opposite of selfishness. It is, in fact, true love not only for yourself but also for others.

Why Practise Self-Love?

When you practice self-love, amazing things happen:

• You experience personal growth.
• You learn to be the best version of yourself.
• You learn to be your own best friend.
• You cope with the hard times so much better.
• Your family members get the best version of you.
• Your physical health improves.

Your Mental Health Is Important, Too

Many moms — especially new moms — suffer from low self-esteem and negative thoughts.

When you practice self-love, your mental health will improve and help manage or even prevent illnesses such as postpartum depression and anxiety.

How To Practise Self-Love

As with all new things, self-love will take practice.

You must build a new habit, maintain the routine, and prioritize your new self-love practice.

Mamma, some of these might sound impossible to do if you have a baby in the house. But do what you can — every little bit helps.

1. Healthy Boundaries

One of the most liberating forms of self-love is to implement healthy boundaries.

What does that mean?

Well, it means you know what your values are. Which means you know what you will and will not allow. And you have the confidence to say “No” when someone tries to cross your boundaries.

For example, work.

Work during work hours. Be the best employee you can be. But when it’s time to go home, switch off.

• Don’t check your email.
• Turn off notifications from Teams (or whatever messenger software your company uses).
• And don’t accept random phone calls from colleagues or your boss.

In this example, you value your family and yourself before work.

Work is essential for income, but your family means more to you. And because you know your values, it will be much easier to say “No” and implement the above-mentioned boundaries.

2. Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships can be challenging to define.

I see it as a relationship that gives you confidence, makes you happy, and respects you and your opinions and beliefs.

On the other hand, toxic relationships make you feel like a failure, feel like you’re not good enough, and break down your self-esteem.

It’s super important to nurture healthy relationships and to get out of toxic relationships, mamma.

Remember, you are setting an example for your kids. And you want to teach them to value themselves enough to cut toxic people out of their lives.

So, how do you break off a toxic relationship?

It depends.

If the other person is a friend, you can slowly stop communicating with them. I’ll bet, in any case, they won’t message or make plans with you if you don’t message first.

Over time the relationship will fizzle out.

On the other hand, if the other person in the toxic relationship is your husband, it can get more complicated. Depending on your situation, you might want to try couples counseling, talking it out, and implementing healthy boundaries.

If your boss is the toxic person in your life, I suggest finding a new job.

Easier said than done, I know. But try. For your own sanity.

3. Positive Affirmations

A positive mindset will help you succeed in whatever you want to accomplish.

And one of the best ways to be in a positive frame of mind is to use positive affirmations daily.

So, what is a positive affirmation?

It’s a positive statement that reinforces your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Examples include:

• I am good enough.
• I have self-confidence.
• My baby needs me, not the latest gadget.

How do you use positive affirmations?

• Write them down or print them out and stick them up all over the place. Then read them every time you see them.
• You can also place it on your computer, phone wallpaper, or screen saver.
• If you want to keep it private, keep a list and take a few minutes daily to read through it.

The repetition of doing it daily is essential.

You must keep reinforcing the positive affirmations until you believe it in your soul.

PS: Keep reading until the end for a FREE affirmation download for new moms.

4. Express Gratitude

An easy way to practice self-love is to express gratitude, even when it feels like you have nothing to feel grateful about.

Make it a habit to identify at least three things to be grateful for daily. It will:

• Reinforce your positive mindset.
• Put things in perspective.
• And you’ll automatically start to notice more and more things to be grateful for as you train your mind to see the positives in your life.

5. Deep Breaths

Another form of self-love is to get into the habit of taking deep breaths.

But don’t do it just for the sake of doing it — be mindful.

You need to make sure your out-breath is longer than your in-breath. That will stimulate your vagus nerve, which helps your body to enter a “rest” or a “calm” state.

So, as an example: Breathe in for three counts, and breathe out for six.

Do this for three to five breaths every day or whenever you happen to remember. Your body, state of mind, and children will thank you for it.

6. Acts Of Self-Care

Other ways to practice self-love include:

• Fresh flowers in your house.
• Take a hot bath (by yourself!).
• Read a book.

A Note On Sleep

Enough sleep is super important.

And a lot of other resources will tell you to prioritize sleep as a form of self-love. But it’s almost impossible for a mom, especially a new mom with a newborn, to get enough sleep.

So sleep when you can, and just know this won’t last forever.

Your husband can eventually help at night, your kids will grow up, and you might actually one day have seven to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Just do what you can, mamma.

Self-Love Isn’t Selfish

I hope by now I’ve convinced you that not only is self-love NOT selfish, but it’s also doable for mommies, too.

When you are in a good place, physically and mentally, you can care for your family and other loved ones much better.

Remember to practice the following:

1. Healthy boundaries.
2. Healthy relationships.
3. Positive affirmations.
4. Express gratitude.
5. Deep breaths.
6. And other acts of self-care when time permits.

Don’t put yourself last, mamma.

You deserve the best.

Mommy, download your FREE affirmation cards here: https://www.newmom.co.za/affirmationdownload