Nerd and Sober. I’m Becoming a Superwoman.
How I successfully escaped social pressure to stop drinking.
After that, I didn’t change my drinking habits. I went back to the way things were.
As if to avenge having stopped for 69 days. To erase the unease I’d created around myself with my sobriety.
It’s horrible to write that.
Today I’d like to tell you about my journey to stop drinking.
This morning, I’m at 110 days sober, the highest I’ve ever been since my first drop of alcohol.
Alcohol is something that makes me uncomfortable, that prevents me from moving forward as fast as my brain allows. It makes my social interactions complex and drags my mood down.
I’m French, and alcohol is part of my national culture. It’s in my daily life, in every meeting, every restaurant, every lunch and dinner.
It’s everywhere there are people.
I’ve always asked myself:
“What would my life be like if I didn’t get up in the morning without a migraine? If I didn’t spend my day on the couch feeling guilty or waiting for it to pass?”
How many drinks does it take to get you in this state?
For me it’s simple. Three drinks is enough. After the fourth, it’s already too late.
Hangover, ruined day, mood in the socks.
In this article, I’m going to tell you about my daily life as a French nerd.
What’s a nerd?
It’s a combination of a high IQ, one or more specific interests and poor social skills.
I totally consider myself a nerd.
I need time to work on my passions, and human interaction only feeds me if it serves my interests.
Do you think I’m self-centered? Probably.
I’m very focused on my goals. And every moment counts.
In this article, I pose the problem that makes quitting alcohol so difficult and share with you the resources that helped me reach 110 days.
So that you too can answer all those questions:
- How do I stop drinking and help myself achieve my personal and professional goals?
- How can I free up time in my already busy life?
- How can I stay focused on my goals and stop wasting time?
- How can I respect myself and maintain my self-esteem?
Come on! Just one little drink!
I have a real handicap with alcohol. I’m French.
In France, not drinking alcohol means :
- you’re ill: “I can’t, I’m on antibiotics and I get allergies.”
- you’re in Dry-January: “I can’t, I’m finishing my Dry, but then we’ll have that drink at La Bodega!”
- you’re sobering up from last night: “Oulala, no I can’t, I’m still at 2 grams from last night.”
Not drinking alcohol is not accepted in society.
Worse still, not drinking alcohol to celebrate an event is simply UNACCEPTABLE.
Take, for example, the nephew’s 18th birthday.
In France, the age of majority is 18, not 21 as in the United States.
At the time, I was in my first attempt at sobriety.
I hadn’t had a drink for several weeks.
I was trying to achieve three months of sobriety.
Believe it or not, my mother-in-law at the time literally got mad at me for refusing to toast me with a non-alcoholic drink.
(Sobriety means “Coke, Orangina, Orange Juice”. Makes you want to party…)
She absolutely wanted me to drink a glass of Champagne.
She had only this obsession in mind, that I should bend under her authority.
The worst thing was that neither my partner at the time nor the other members of my family stood up for me.
No one intervened to stop the injunction and put an end to the discomfort.
All I wanted to do was run away.
And a few months later, I left.
I left my boyfriend at the time and his family, who were incapable of respecting and supporting my decisions.
(To finish this story, I didn’t drink any alcohol, so to hell with you!)
Another example. Another event.
It was a few days ago. An evening with friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time.
Five years, I think.
One of the friends loves good things: good meat, good wine.
He’s French and lived for several years in Madrid, Spain.
Party-wise. He’s very, very good.
I love him, but sometimes he’s a bit heavy.
Well, the same. He absolutely wanted me to toast our reunion with a glass of wine.
He was joking, I know. But he insisted. Too much for my taste and for that of the other guests. My current partner almost intervened.
It was his partner who asked him to stop insisting.
Yes, it was to test me. Yes, it wasn’t done in a nasty tone and I love this friend.
But damn, the pressure around alcohol! People aren’t familiar with that.
You’re the bitch of the party.
Honestly, I’d rather stay home.
Ouch… I’ve got such a headache…
I remember: Opening my eyes and the next thing I know, a pain in my head. Like a shovel in the back of my head.
Being muddy, having confused memories and dragging myself to the coffee machine.
Sound familiar? It does to me.
Only four glasses are enough for me to be in this state.
Three drinks was the limit.
By the fourth, it was too late.
These early-morning awakenings are horrible for self-confidence. I’m not even talking about productivity and all the day’s projects falling apart.
“Fuck, I’ve had too much to drink. My head’s up my ass… I really suck…”
And the guilt and self-deprecation begin.
Just thinking about it makes my ego hurt.
Before that, I made a first attempt.
I can do this!
That’s what I told myself. I thought I was armed enough to quit when I wanted to.
I did quit smoking several years ago. I’m going to be able to stop drinking.
But quitting alcohol is complicated. You fight against your cravings and against that horrible social pressure.
It’s like climbing a mountain, with monkeys throwing stones at you.
To help me on my way, I relied on the resources I could find.
It’s hard to ask for help. My approach seemed shameful.
I was branded an alcoholic because I didn’t want to drink anymore.
Support
- A book: The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober — Catherine Gray
- A blog: Nuage rose
- An app: I Am Sober
I secretly read and congratulated myself. These resources were the only outside support I could count on.
A book. A blog. An app.
It wasn’t enough. Faced with the pressure and my desire not to be in constant conflict, I went back to alcohol.
After that, I didn’t change my drinking habits. I went back to the way things were.
As if to avenge having stopped for 69 days. To erase the unease I’d created around myself with my sobriety.
It’s horrible to write that.
And yet… All these years, I’ve never stopped thinking about those 69 days. The best times of my life.
April 15, 2024: Big 100
It’s April 15, 2024. I’ve just celebrated my 100 days of sobriety.
This day is a celebration.
I’ve reached 100 days…
During these 100 days, I had parties, without alcohol and without criticism.
I went on a romantic trip to Rome and enjoyed Italian cuisine without a glass of wine.
I’m no longer afraid to toast with a soft drink.
I’m no longer afraid to step out of my comfort zone.
And best of all, sobriety is my new comfort zone.
I’m succeeding.
What’s changed?
Here’s why this time I’ve gone beyond 100 days, with no pressure.
Since my first attempt, I’ve totally changed my life.
I’ve completely renewed my entourage, and kept two friends. Two friends who understand me.
I share my days with my lover, who congratulates me and raves about my successes.
He tells me how strong I am and how much he admires me.
And that. That changes everything.
To have the person I love supporting me. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
(thank you my darling for being by my side)
My children too. They notice that I’m less tired.
Even physically. I have fewer dark circles, fewer wrinkles.
And I’m awake again.
I get up every morning at 6am to work on my side hustle.
And I can get on with my day’s work without feeling too tired.
In the evening, I’m available for them. Without alcohol, I no longer collapse from exhaustion after a drink.
I’m there, present.
Will I hold out?
…. 50 days. 100 days. 110 days…
That’s a lot of time, but not much in a lifetime.
As I write this article, I’ve just celebrated 110 days of sobriety. I’m so proud!
I feel so much benefit from being sober that going back to alcohol could feel like a real failure.
I quit smoking a long time ago. I no longer count the years.
It’s all in the past.
I’d like to experience quitting alcohol like quitting smoking.
But I now know that quitting drinking is a real battle against social pressure.
I may have external resources like reading books and blogs and counting my successes with an app.
The key is the people around you.
If this applies to you. Change your friends, your spouse.
Do yourself a favor.
I beg you, do this for yourself if you really want to stop.
And if the people around you are toxic. Walk away.
That’s the last piece of advice I can give you. Be with people who love you, who support you. And whatever decisions you make.
And especially if the goal is to make you better.
I sincerely hope that this article will give you the strength to succeed in your projects. That you find the inspiration and hope to surpass yourself.
Comment this article if you recognize yourself, if you need help and support.
Medium is a great community, and I’m sure you’ll find people to support you on your path.
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