No, You Aren’t Embarrassing
What my child’s meltdown taught me about embarrassment
I’ve often been told I’m improper or embarrassing, that I can’t be seen in the public with, by my mom, and my spouse.
For a long time I bought into this narrative.
Now that I had a toddler, who in the eyes of society had had several public meltdowns, it dawned on me, this wasn’t about me.
I realised, embarrassment is a cousin of toxic shame.
Because in each episode of my toddler’s meltdown, all I could think of, and feel in that moment, was how upset and frustrated and powerless my toddler must have felt. My focus was for them to feel alright.
Do I apologize for causing a disturbance afterwards, of course, but I did not feel embarrassed.
And if someone did judge me negatively, 1) who cares and 2) that’s on them being narrow-minded and intolerant.
To feel embarrassed, I’d have to take my attention off my toddler onto myself, to put my need of approval from others above my toddler’s needs. I’d have to not believe something was indeed ticking my toddler off, and to not have any compassion that my toddler is doing the best they could to handle the situation.
No, that’s not me, nor the kind of values I stand for.
So now I know, when my mom and my spouse felt embarrassed about me, it’s because they had been hoping to use me against their own insecurities.
Mistakes happen. It’s how you grow. When you know better, you’d do better.
Same applies to other adult “embarrassing” situation.
You mispronounced a name. You forgot the meeting notes. Your fly is down.
You nervous stimmed. You laughed too loud. You interrupted.
Meh, it happens. It’s part of being human.
So please, know this. When someone is embarrassed by your actions or to be seen with you, it’s about them, not you. You are okay. Your feelings and needs matter.
You stepped out of your comfort zone.
Why don’t we celebrate that instead?
Thank you for reading. Your support makes a huge difference to my self-esteem. To get my infrequent posts directly in your inbox, subscribe here.
