Online Dating in Ten Steps
Does this sound familiar?
Published in
3 min readFeb 28, 2023
- In a fit of desperation, you reinstall the app. I say reinstall, because this is probably not the first time you’ve downloaded it, and even though last time you said never again, this still feels like the only possible way to meet someone.
- You endlessly swipe through uninspiring profiles. These are the same men that were on the app before that made you quit — the gym buffs, the sleazy older men who set their age range anywhere between twenty and forty-five, the profiles without pictures, the profiles of groups of guys where you have no idea which one is the one with the profile — but you keep going in the hope of finding one “normal” looking guy.
- By some sheer stroke of magic, you actually find a “normal” looking guy, and you match and you start chatting and miraculously he doesn’t just send one-word answers in response to the questions you ask him, and he even goes as far as to ask you some questions. You look at his pictures around ten times a day, and every time you reach the same conclusion — he looks cute— interesting — intelligent and you feel a burst of excitement. This. Might. Be. It.
- After several days of continuous messaging, which has even included some witty banter, you go for the plunge and ask to meet. You are elated and instantly racked with nerves when he agrees to go for a drink a couple of days later.
- The night of the first date, you experience such waves of nausea that you think that you’re going to have to cancel. Why do you put yourself through this again and again? But still, you know that you will go through with it because This. Might. Be. It. You somehow manage to get yourself ready (“What the fuck should I wear? Why don’t I own any nice clothes?” going through your head several times) and you get in the taxi and go.
- There are an anxious few minutes when you arrive at the bar of trying to identify who the guy actually is because it’s quite possible that his photos are ten years old and you don’t really know what he looks like. It feels as though everyone else around you can tell that this is a first date and you desperately don’t want to be stood up.
- As your eyes scan the room, you finally do catch sight of someone who looks just as nervous as you, and even though he looks more or less like his pictures, you instantly feel disappointed because he doesn’t match up to the image of him that you’ve spent the last week creating. But, determined to make a go of it, you approach, confident that you’ve got his name right.
- He looks up at you, smiles, and for a second you once again think that This. Might. Be. It. But then you start talking, and within five minutes it’s clear that the witty banter was only possible when carefully constructing messages and the date quickly starts to feel like an interview.
- You stay for two drinks, because you never know, maybe alcohol will loosen things up, but it doesn’t. He seems keen for more, but you’re already knackered from the adrenaline highs and lows and you call it a night with an awkward goodbye moment where you’re not sure whether or not you should kiss him out of pity or not.
- He sends some follow-up messages which you half-heartedly respond to, but you already know in your heart of hearts that there is no chemistry, no thrill, no buzz of excitement, and in a fit of frustration, you delete the app.
Repeat.
