Sharing Personal Stories on Social Media
Lessons learned
A while ago I shared a short story on Quora, a story from my daughter’s early childhood. I was answering someone’s question about something. By then my daughter was fast approaching her teenage years, so the story read almost as a memoir.
For our family, that story was a somewhat funny moment from our past — one of many. A misunderstanding, I’d call it.
For many Quora readers, that story rang alarm bells. I was flooded by comments, often resentful or challenging my perspective. Some even suggested that my daughter behaved the way I described in the story because she might have been subjected to abuse which the parents weren’t aware of. Some seriously recommended that I should look into my daughter’s wellbeing because it could have serious consequences for my daughter’s growing up into a balanced and mentally fit individual.
I was busy responding to people that the story had happened so long ago that it was almost ancient history. That my daughter had since grown up. That she was doing mentally much better than many of the adults around her. Then I gave up on responding and let the comments flow past me. There were so many that I simply couldn’t handle them.
Very few people came back to me with comments appreciating the humor of the situation. Even fewer people stood up with me trying to defend my story in the comments. After a while they gave up, too.
I was stunned.
I started wondering if my language and tone didn’t convey the message. The message being that young kids with strong and outgoing personalities could be too bossy and thus cause some minor relationship havoc. The story was meant to stir up some smiles, maybe even laughter and resonate with parents who were also dealing with bossy stubborn strong characters, aka kids. The story wasn’t meant to stir up fear and resentment.
From questioning my own ability to craft clear messages (which was a bit of a worry in itself given my career in communication and engagement) I turned to questioning my reality. Am I taking certain things too lightly? Am I indeed missing something?
Then my thinking was slowly but steadily turning to the unpleasant realization that people react in certain ways because they have good reasons to do so. We read a story and it rings certain bells. But without much context and the ability to ask clarifying questions we read what we want to read into it.
Readers often see our life experiences through their own lens. What I see as sad can be ridiculous to some people; what I see as funny could be alarming to some. Situations might be similar, but personal experiences are very different, based on the context and personality.
I realized that nothing was wrong with me and my story. Nothing was wrong with people’s reactions. It was all about different perspectives.
So, what did I learn from that awkward experience?
If we share on social media, we should brace ourselves — there will always be someone who misinterprets, misunderstands and misuses the information we post. No matter how hard we try to pass the right message.
If people react negatively to information that feels reasonably neutral to us, this means people have had negative experiences in similar situations. This is sad, but their experiences are still valid.
We should be prepared to deal with negative emotional reactions, but we shouldn’t take them personally. People attacking us on social media don’t attack us personally, because they don’t know us. They are attacking their own fears and negative experiences.
And the main lesson?
Keep sharing with the world no matter what. Someone needs to hear your story to smile. And someone needs to face their own fears prompted by your story.
The story
That was a while ago. I got a phone call from my daughter’s kindergarten. Her teacher’s voice sounded half upset and half embarrassed.
She said, ‘I’m sorry to be ringing you at work, but your daughter seems to be so fond of me and she’s not shy to show her fondness. She hugs me so strongly and so persistently, and she chases other kids away from me, and she wouldn’t let me go and do my work, she’s all over me and seems not to understand when I ask her to stop. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t know what to do.’
I came home that night and had a brief conversation with my 4 y.o., something along those lines:
I asked, ‘Do you know who rang today?’
Daughter’s face turned stony; she said, ‘The teacher?’
I said, ‘Yes, and do you know why?’
Daughter — ‘She doesn’t like when I’m hugging her.’
I — ‘Well, why are you hugging her if you know that she doesn’t like it?’
Daughter — ‘But I like her. That’s fine, she’ll get used to it over time.’
I — ‘No, you can’t treat people like that and step all over their personal boundaries. A no is a no’.
My daughter stopped hugging the teacher the next day, and also stopped talking with her for some time. That is, if I can’t get what I want, I will sulk. The teacher was relieved though.
I don’t know whose behavior was more odd — teacher’s (didn’t she know how to push back on bossy kids?) or my kid’s (who was being too overbearing). Probably both.
