“Take What You Can Get,” Ladies….

Where does this philosophy come from?

In some recent conversations, women my age (in the 40–55 range) have been discussing their experience with relationships, past and present. We’ve been parsing out the “social scripts,” a concept that I love because it helps us identify what we’ve been handed, and then we can decide if we believe that or not.

And this theme has emerged….we are supposed to settle.

Here are some discard-able scripts:

“You should give men a chance if they put effort in.”

“Women should feel lucky to have men’s attention.”

“There’s something wrong with a woman who isn’t married by that age.”

There is an anti-audacity movement to shame attempts to ask for more, generally calling it “wanting too much” or “unreasonable expectations.”

Raise the Bar, Then Raise it Again!

In response to my dating survey process, sometimes I hear things like:

“But aren’t you cutting off a lot of potential partners?”

and “Isn’t this dehumanizing or too cold?”

As if I am supposed to give all men an equal chance to have access to me.