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The Abuse No One Talks About: Reactive Abuse
They push, you break, and suddenly you’re to blame.
I recently stumbled upon the phrase reactive abuse, and it was as if someone finally uttered words that I couldn’t possibly express to describe an experience. That peculiar, gnawing dynamic where the abused suddenly reacts, after being pushed and prodded enough. Maybe by screaming, sobbing, slamming a door, or saying some cutting thing; and suddenly they’re being positioned as the abuser.
On the surface, a fiery outburst by a person can seem like they are the problem. But when you know the context, like hours of teasing, constant belittling, or emotional potshots taken beforehand, the stage seems a lot different. What seems like an irrational overreaction is typically the result of incessant goading and pressure.
It was an epiphanic moment when I read that sometimes the “breaking point” isn’t so much about the event itself, but all that one had done to get to that place. That was a relief, because finally it had a name: reactive abuse.
Understanding “Reactive Abuse”
Reactive abuse is when the abused, having been provoked, manipulated, or gaslighted time and time again, at last reacts. Any aggressive response, whether that is raising their voice, crying, or…
