The Love of My Life Is Only 4-Years-Old
Valentine’s Day is about love, not romance
This year I will celebrate Valentine’s Day with the love of my life. She is only four years old, but I waited 40 years for her.
We think of Valentine’s Day as a romantic holiday but it’s really just about love. And I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible.
The thing is, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to be a mom. I was almost 40 and despite my best efforts, still single. I’d go on first dates already mentally calculating a timeline, for how long we would need to date before getting married and having a child. Every day I could almost hear that clock ticking down in my head, reminding me I was running out of time. Until one day, I couldn’t wait any longer. I knew that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t become a mother.
So, I found a sperm donor, and just a month after my 40th birthday the two life-changing pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test. Nine months and 72 hours of labor later they pulled my daughter, Amilyn Grace from my body, and I cried exhausted tears — never feeling such a desperate urge to hold another human.
When they placed her tiny red squalling body on mine, and her mouth found my nipple, as I counted her little fingers and toes and touched every part of her perfect amazing body, my entire world fell into place. I had never felt love so profound. Not in my previous marriage, or any relationship I had ever had. This is love, I thought. This is what it means. I was complete.
The next four years were a whirlwind romance. We traveled to Mexico, Bali, Malaysia, and Thailand. We did road trips, weekend getaways, we went on hikes, adventures, visited parks, museums, the Grand Canyon. We spent lazy Sundays making waffles and reading stories. She was my adventure buddy and the best life partner and friend I could ever hope for. Through all of it, my love for her and her for me only grew and deepened.
So, when I think of Valentine’s Day I think of Amilyn. She is my Valentine. My one true love.
My daughter and I will celebrate Valentine’s Day together. We’ll dress up in our best outfits. I’ll order something delicious from Door Dash and she will enjoy gourmet mac and cheese, an all-beef hot dog, along with some petite carrots. We’ll pull out our best wine glasses and enjoy apple juice and wine respectively.
We’ll chat about her progress on her Reading Eggs app and how preschool is going and after dinner, we will snuggle up with some popcorn and Frozen, before retiring to bed, where she will ask for her favorite armpit cuddles and I will hold her close and marvel at this fantastic creature I have created. My heart will be filled with more love than I ever thought possible, thinking that this was the best Valentine’s Day I could ever imagine.
Valentine’s Day can be celebrated with anyone you love. For me, the holiday is a chance to celebrate the fact that I chose to be a mom. That I chose to create the life I wanted with the love I wanted.
If you don’t have a romantic partner, then go out with your best friend — your mom, or dad, grandma, or grandpa. If you are single and want a child then maybe that is the day you decide to become a solo mom by choice and create your own love story on your terms, as I did. Whatever you do, find a way to celebrate love because I believe that is what the holiday is really about.
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