The Mental Motherhood Load
Why is this not so spoken about?
Trigger Warning:
Motherhood is a wild rollercoaster, with some days gliding smoothly while others feel like a chaotic circus act.
Last weekend, I found myself smack dab in the middle of one of those circus acts, and I felt compelled to share a slice of my story.
Now, let me be clear: I adore what I do as a mother. There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing, but that doesn’t mean every day is a breeze.
Picture this: I’m cooking, my baby is on my hip (the floor has mysteriously turned into lava for my toddler), and I absentmindedly leave the salt container on the countertop instead of returning it to the cabinet. From behind me, I hear a familiar remark: “Why do you always forget to put things back?”
Or, during grocery shopping, if I happen to forget an item on the list, the inevitable question arises: “Why can’t you remember everything when making the list?”
The mental juggling act continues: remembering all the family’s appointments, rescheduling them, keeping track of when it’s time to buy new baby items, planning meals for the week, and so much more.
But that’s not the worst part; it’s the unspoken rule that mothers should bear this mental load without complaint. It’s almost as if we’re not allowed to express our frustration because, well, we chose motherhood, right? It’s part of the deal.
But here’s the thing: I’m human. All mothers are. All primary caretakers are. We all gripe about our jobs, our lives, our relationships, and our daily annoyances, often in jest. So why is the mental motherhood load any different? Why are we, as mothers and primary caretakers, expected to carry the weight of practically everything?
It’s incredibly draining and yet profoundly underappreciated. People talk about the physical hardships and changes that come with motherhood, but the mental load remains largely unspoken.
And it’s not just the endless to-do lists. There are other factors at play, too — the fear of judgment and the relentless pursuit of being the “perfect” mom. Society has painted mothers as superheroes, and we’ve become so wrapped up in that image that we forget it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s okay to make mistakes, to take a break, and to ask for help.
We need to stop perpetuating this myth of the supermom and start talking about the real challenges of motherhood. When we open up and share how we feel, we’ll discover just how many of us can relate, making everyone feel less alone, less stressed, and better equipped to cope with the “mental motherhood load.”
So, here’s to embracing the chaos, accepting our imperfections, and fostering a community of empathetic understanding in the realm of motherhood.
It’s time to ease the burdens, support each other, and revel in the beautiful, albeit messy, journey of raising our little ones.
