The truth of being childfree by choice
I don’t hate children and I’m not selfish
I’m child-free by choice. I have lots of reasons why I don’t want to have children, but the simplest one is this: I don’t want to have children.
Some people think that I am selfish for choosing not to have children and that I’m not contributing anything to society. Some people think that I must hate children to not want them — why else would I miss out on life’s greatest joy? Some people think that I will end up being old, sad, and alone if I don’t have children.
I don’t believe that any of those three things are true and I’ll tell you why.
Firstly, society is a big and broad beast and there is more than one way to contribute to it. A doctor who saves lives on a daily basis is contributing a huge amount to society, regardless of whether or not they have children. A firefighter who pulls bodies out from a burning building is contributing a huge amount to society, regardless of whether or not they have children.
I work in education and while that isn’t on the same level as saving lives, the work that I do helps others to receive an education which is an incredibly important part of society. Heck, even writing this article I hope will make a difference to someone who is feeling guilty for not wanting to have children.
Secondly, I don’t hate children. I actually really like children and have worked with them on a day-to-day basis for many years. I love my nieces and nephews and I try and be as present as I possibly can be in their lives. In fact, I can be more present in their lives because I don’t have my own children to worry about. I try and babysit for my nieces who live close to me as much as possible to give my sister a rest from being a mum because I know that she is shattered 99.9% of the time. What parent wouldn’t love free weekly babysitting from a childfree aunt?
If you believe that it takes a village to raise a child, isn’t it a good thing that some members of our society don’t have children and can act as role models to younger generations and show them that there are different ways to live life, as well as be there to help out in their upbringing?
On the third point, I have two things to say. I do not want to have children just for the sake of having someone to take care of me when I am old. I would not inflict that burden on my hypothetical children. I will either pay someone to take care of me when I am old or if I can’t afford to do that (which is quite likely), I will go off into the mountains and die. I don’t believe in extending years of life without a good quality of life.
I also believe that your children aren’t the only possible network available in society. Life is about community and friends and family of all types. My dad has four children but is incredibly lonely because he has zero community outside of us. Having children does not guarantee that you won’t be lonely. It should be a joy for most people to try and build a diverse and rich community.
So to the parents out there - I’m not your enemy. I’m not responsible for your tiredness, or for the lack of systems in place to provide free childcare. I might be your child’s teacher, or I might (one day) be the author of the book that they can’t put down. Don’t assume that I’m not contributing, or that your contribution is more valuable than mine just because you have children and I don’t. And if I’m old and lonely, that’s my problem to worry about, not yours.
