To Love Oneself
The beginning of a lifelong romance
The term ‘self-love’ often appears overly used, possibly losing its profound essence.
As Oscar Wilde beautifully put it, ‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.’
The dandy author encapsulated the depths of self-love into a sentence. Sharing my personal journey required 1000 words after months of baby steps toward self-love.
Self-love is more than self-care, feeling good, and pursuing happiness.
It involves accepting who you are, acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses and cultivating a positive relationship with your own being.
As with any other relationship, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. It encompasses moments of joy, trials, crises, and the resilience to overcome them.
Self-love is not a destination but a continuous commitment to cultivating a deep and affectionate bond with oneself.
Mine has had its share of ups and downs. But in the past years, I made a substantial mistake. Big time. (AKA I f***ed up)
I failed to acknowledge and take responsibility for my well-being. In the long run, this lapse resulted in burning out physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The heavy consequences served as a wake-up call, prompting me to embark on a transformative journey characterized by incremental yet impactful steps toward cultivating self-love.
Acknowledge that “It’s okay not to be okay”
The triggering factor has been the reluctance to acknowledge that “It’s okay not to be okay.”
This may sound basic and granted, but not for me.
In recent years, life has presented me with traumatic events that have deeply shaken me. Instead of taking the necessary time to reassess, I prioritized what I wanted over what I needed. I avoided confronting my emotions and pain.
I approached every challenge with stoicism, persisting with determination and willpower toward my goals and vision of myself.
It resulted in burnout and exhaustion, which robbed me of the joy of life and led me to the hospital. Thankfully, nothing serious, but the wake-up call couldn’t have been louder.
Mindfulness as an inner compass
Motivated to rectify my situation, I started focusing on healthier habits such as nutrition, adequate sleep, and time for myself. Quickly, I grasped that these actions represented the bare minimum of self-care for a balanced and healthy lifestyle.
Subsequently, I began to recognize the significance of mindfulness. I found my compass in regularly checking in with my energy and my body state. A simple yet valuable practice to aid me in discerning what aligns with my well-being and what does not.
It became a catalyst for establishing healthy boundaries in both social and work contexts. This transformation also involved letting go of people and situations. As challenging and painful as it was, I took the necessary steps to choose myself over others and my career. A first in my life.
Although these sound like seemingly minor changes for many, for me, they marked significant milestones in my pursuit of self-love.
Take accountability
In a matter of weeks, my physical well-being improved noticeably. However, my mind remained a chaotic realm where obsessive thoughts and unhealthy patterns ran rampant. I found myself lost in my own thoughts, realizing I needed assistance.
Embarking on therapy played a pivotal role in my journey, helping me identify dynamics, fears, and unhealthy relationships, especially with myself. This process was no walk in the park; instead, it felt more like a spiral, leading me inward, peeling away layers within myself and exposing my shadows and ego.
As the saying goes, “The truth will set you free,” but initially, it can be hurtful. Yet, the more I delved into my inner world, the stronger my desire became to uncover the root of things. Despite the pain, this process was liberating and guiding, steering me toward a deeper understanding of the true essence of self-love.
Embrace acceptance
The journey, indeed, took a profound turn. It evolved into a quest for acceptance and appreciation of myself.
Despite making progress, unhealthy mindsets and emotional struggles still persisted. When facing these thoughts and emotions, I thought, ‘I shouldn’t be feeling/thinking this way,’ sparking internal conflict and self-judgment.
In simple terms, I was fighting with myself, struggling to let myself be with all my weaknesses. Even more, I was being hard on myself, judging and criticizing my most vulnerable parts.
Thinking about it, I realized something important — would I treat someone I love like this? Definitely not! I would listen and understand their feelings with kindness and support.
Be your compassionate bestie
Recognizing the challenge of being compassionate toward oneself, I consciously chose to treat myself as I would my best friend.
Instead of suppressing my vulnerabilities, I embraced them with tenderness, allowing them to surface and be acknowledged.
Journaling, a cherished practice, is a valuable tool for externalizing my inner world and gaining perspective.
However, expressing these thoughts verbally out loud presented an entirely different experience. In such instances, emotions, particularly for me, feel more heartfelt when spoken. Sometimes translated in tears, something I rarely allow myself to do.
I offer myself the understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness I need during those moments, just as I would with a friend. Words of compassion remind me of my journey, evoking a sense of gratitude for consistently being there for myself.
The romance continues
Many months later, I understand that self-love is a journey embracing the ebbs and flows of our human nature.
In my experience, mindfulness, acceptance, and compassion emerged as cornerstones. Treating myself with kindness, acknowledging vulnerabilities, and offering tenderness became guiding principles.
Have I completely fallen in love with myself?
Far from it, but just like any meaningful relationship, I’m dedicated to nurturing it with compassion, love, acceptance, and commitment.
After all, it’s the only guaranteed lifetime relationship worth the effort.
🖤 For you
If you have made it this far, I hope you find your way to love and enjoy life. If you encounter difficulties, remember that you are not alone. Challenges are just stepping stones toward deeper levels of love.
Consider taking a small action towards self-love by acknowledging one positive aspect about yourself.
🙏 Join the Convo & Support the Community
I’d love to hear about your experiences, insights, and tips related to the topic. I value your feedback and appreciate constructive suggestions to help us build a community where we can learn and grow together. Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Thank you for taking the time to read this article and for any clap you may give.
