Truth Is I Don’t Want To End Up Alone
But I’m prepared for this eventuality.
When you separate from someone or worse, death does you apart, people around you tend to say: “don’t worry you’ll find someone else, you’ll find a new love”. I’m one of these people, I said it to friends or acquaintances who found themselves single again. I meant it, I believe we get second chances and for the luckiest ones many chances, I’ve seen it in my inner circle. But now that I’m on the other side, or rather on that weird uncomfortable twilight zone of not being legally single but definitely separated, I can’t help but having these negative thoughts: “What if I’m never able to find someone else I love and loves me back again?” Or “Is it my fate to be by myself like my mother who never remarried or had a partner after my father died 29 years ago?”
Of course I believe someone can have a wonderful, fulfilling life without being tight to a significant other, however I realize it scares me to not get another shot at love. I’m all for women or any individual independence and self-realization but if I’m being totally honest, I want someone by my side, someone to share things with, I’ve been craving real connection and company for a while now, it’s hard.
While the majority will have new relationships and beginnings, others won’t by choice or lack of opportunities, luck and matches. Let’s not forget that it’s even more challenging for women who often have full custody of children and have to juggle between work, household tasks and education of their kids. It takes maturity and genuineness for someone to accept another’s past and life’s obligations which are inevitable past a certain age.
Let’s be honest, on the dating market we are ranked at the bottom of the attraction scale even for older men. It’s unfair and stupid, yet, it is what it is. Funny enough, younger men might show more interest and get adventurous by getting involved with a grown experienced woman, but how many of these flings end up in real lasting relationships? Very often both realize it can’t be, for instance when the guy realizes the kids of his partner are top priority or he wants kids of his own but the other one doesn’t want or can’t conceive anymore…
In case I don’t meet anyone I could have a future with and great chemistry, I will have to accept the fact I’ll be single, probably not celibate because I doubt I can and want to spend a very long period of time without physical intimacy. I definitely want to get the chance to connect with someone and share special moments, plus I believe I still have a lot to give… I don’t want to end up alone but not at the cost of my well-being, peace and sanity. I promised myself I will never go through another unhappy romantic relationship or be with someone just for the sake of saying I’m not on my own. Yes, arguments and conflicts will happen one day or the other, but no matter what, the good has to win over the bad, otherwise what’s the point? The trick is to be confident and loving yourself enough to navigate life without being linked to a plus one.
Better to be alone than in bad company.
