Turning Thirty
Is it worth the hype?
I came across this pin titled “ 30 Things to Never Miss Before Your 30s” while scrolling Pinterest. I felt a deep pang of sadness because I had just a few months ahead before I entered the third decade of my life. I was too late to know my “30 under 30s” bucket list. Even if I had known that there was something like this before, I am sure I wouldn’t have conquered it all.
Why is there so much pressure around turning thirty?
I started feeling the pressure when I had to have a conversation with Mrs. Nosy Aunty, a friend of Mom’s friend. It started like this,
“What, Shanjitha? I heard that you are turning 30 soon. Have you started saving for your retirement?”
She didn’t leave a space for me to answer her question. She continued, “ Don’t you want your child to have a brother or sister? When are you going to plan for a second child? You are thirty, remember?
She didn’t stop there. She said,” You need to settle down. It should take only a year or so to build your own home. Stop having thoughts of travel and fun.”
She never stopped herself, as far as I remember. And I got too nervous to comprehend her words in my mind.
Finally, she said one thing: “ You are thirty now; you need to have it all figured out by now.”
That was my breaking point when I excused myself with the pretense that my kid needed me.
The truth about me turning thirty (and for most others)
With all the hype, one would firmly believe that they should have it all together by the time they turn thirty. Even I was so anxious that I was falling behind everybody else. Thanks to social media and nosy aunties.
The main reason why many dread turning thirties at times is the expectations around it.
We are expected to have financial freedom or stability.
We are expected to have a complete family of our own.
We are expected to have it all together, clear, and figured out.
We are expected to have more wisdom and lose our childlike nature.
We are expected to be independent and learn to live alone.
We are expected to be perfect.
And there is much more.
But the truth is,
I didn’t have it all together. I am still figuring things out. I am searching for my purpose. I am seeking new things and experiences. I am not financially free. I didn’t start saving for my future and I hope I will soon. I still find it hard to sleep alone. I still need help to do certain things. I still find joy in cute things. I still have fun doing things that kids do. I still make a lot of mistakes and learn from them.
This scenario of expectation vs. reality raised my pulse. Am I doing it right? Am I falling back?
It is okay
It is true for all that, as we age, we grow and evolve. But the distress here is due to the bar we set for ourselves based on these expectations. These expectations are based on what we perceive from what is shown to us.
Yet, we need to anchor one thing in our minds: It is not the same for everyone. It is like the story of judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Due to this stereotype, we are stuck in the same mindset as the fish. We live believing that we are never enough and fall back.
For me, it took a lot of reflection and stories of living examples to surpass these expectations. I realized for myself that it was okay.
It is okay not to know your purpose yet and to linger for some time in the soul-searching phase. Because things that might not have interested you before may excite you now.
It is okay to not have the financial freedom to do everything that was expected of us. You are good to go as long as you are content with what you have and ready to work for what you want.
It is okay if you find joy in cute things and act like a kid at times. You can have all the wisdom you have gained till now while being playful like a child.
It is okay if you don’t know everything every time. It is okay to make mistakes and learn from them, as long as they don’t hurt anybody. Remember, we are constant learners.
It is okay that you want help and cannot be alone. It is okay to seek help and company.
It is okay to be married, unmarried, or have or not have kids at any point. A complete family is what you define for yourself.
I have lost expectations; what now?
We are conditioned to meet all that is expected of us. When we want to live differently, we become blind to the air.
Experience has taught me what to do in such a situation: choose your priorities. Choosing my priorities has helped me make a peaceful entry into my thirties. I had a huge perspective shift because of it. As a result, I am living in a beautiful phase.
I am in this phase where uninterrupted sleep is more precious than midnight birthday calls.
Learning new things online is more satisfying than mindless scrolling.
Home-cooked food tastes more delicious than restaurant takeout.
Things like how I look and how I should look no longer bother me.
I am in a phase where silence feels peaceful instead of scary.
I am in a phase where I am no longer ashamed to admit that I love self-help books too.
I am in a phase where a few meaningful connections are more appealing than the whole girl gang.
I am in a phase where I’m excited and not scared of how different I will be in the next 10 years.
These are a few of the revelations I experience every day because I choose myself. It keeps coming to you once you decide. And thus, day by day, I felt lighter. I embrace being thirty years old.
After all, age is just a number when you have decided to make your life worthy
What did you learn when you entered the next decade of your life? Share in the comments.
Hi, I am Shanjitha. I write about the mental and emotional aspects of personal growth, self-management, books, and motherhood. If you like my stories and feel like supporting me, subscribe to my Substack newsletter for free. I write exclusive topics on healing and self-discovery. Also, I believe in growing together and am open to sharing your thoughts with me.
