What Does Blackmail Look Like?
If you’re stuck in a hopeless situation, read this
Surma was munching lunch when a terrible push at the side drawer pulled a frightening sigh, a great threat, a silent fear, a sudden oxymoron, and she instantly found herself drowning in utter despair. Suddenly, a pleasant summer afternoon turned into a gloomy affair. It wasn’t a ghost who knocked her off her mood but her beloved husband, who started kicking the side-cupboard. This event ignited a helpless throbbing which only Surma could hear. The husband’s anger fiercely took over Surma’s reluctant power to fight back. In this usher moment of gravitation, where everything was falling apart, Surma’s appetite dropped down too, along with a wall hanging her plate of fruits cracked into several pieces, seeing such a flabbergasting Milieu her breadth turned uncontrollably numb. But Noone heard the silence of her existence, even if it occurred for some seconds.
Today, everything named ‘kindness, love, and care’ for her husband is yelling for self-support.
Every given day whenever her husband chooses to behave out of his imbalanced emotions her bones shiver in a chill. Yet, she choose to sit back, helpless, with her dilemma stuck finding happiness in a downcast situation.
Next Episode: Why this outbreak?
The story reveals that Surma’s husband wanted her to say sorry for a mistake she didn’t commit. She simply executed her freedom of speech, by trying to put across an opinion that doesn’t align well with that of husband’s.
In fact, he blackmailed her to forcibly say sorry for how he didn’t like the fact that she should be vocal about important topics. He kept negatively processing what she tried to express, and, moreover, repeatedly blackmailed Surma for abandoning her from the house.
ALAS! SHE DID. She had no better choice!
Reason:
Surma is financially dependent on his husband. She is being mentally tortured to behave in a certain way, live on his terms, say yes to everything he desires an affirmation for, to continually water his ego, stick to whatever he intends to do, and compromise on her desires. This is a continuous pattern that he repeats to satiate his hunger of falsified power.
Surma is just another helpless soul stuck in an unloving situation. All she can do is pray, seek hope, and desire for her husband to change one day.
But is any of it a practical solution?
Reasons the husband blackmail Surma?
People who blackmail others are insecure at heart. Such people lack empathy to be held in a place of kindness. They are accustomed to behaving in a certain way with people of dignity. If they are nice with you, it’s only when, in reciprocity, they are seeking false admiration.
They are the chameleons, especially the most liked public figures, because they love wearing a color that suits everyone, but this whole time their target is set to fulfil their own needs.
They are like corrupt politicians who love being in power, & that’s when they perform misery in their full potential. They’ll enact the way they want, to play mind games, to have full control over, to watch and cause pain, and to seek a reaction, which will make them feel more empowered over time.
They tend to misuse the legal bond & abuse their partners. They only have one focal point in life, and it revolves around themselves, their needs, their likes and dislikes, their moods, and their happiness. They simply lack the intelligence to see beyond themselves.
They are poor souls trapped in a false sense of self-obsession, self-pity, and victim mindset, which helps them uphold their masquerade of goodness.
What’s the solution to this problem?
Interestingly, many are aware of what they are doing and how they are doing it. They simply deny their choice to own responsibility of their behaviour. This avoidant style is groomed to torture their partners, play blame games, treat them like a doormat, and what not.
It’s important that once you start noticing these behaviors in someone, you must make a crystal clear communication about things that are intolerable in nature. Sometimes, asking them politely if they are dealing with control issues may help them rethink their steps and correct those.
Yet on the contrary, in cases where they are stubborn to not have this conversation and are continuously calling you off, be assured, their problem is going to remain persistent & sometimes maybe for a lifetime, because it has percolated deep within their mindset to behave in a certain way. For them, it’s a way of life that they deny altering. They are aware of its repercussions and have accepted themselves the way they are, now they simply want you to accept & live with their gruesome reality.
the important question arises. Will you be okay staying in a situation where you've to fully devote yourself to your partner’s sacrilege for the rest of your life?
If not, it’s time for you to draft a strategy and plan to remove yourself from them completely by choosing a 3-step rule: first detach yourself emotionally, then mentally, and then physically (optional).
Why is it important to step-out?
Read your situation with a whole heart. If your person is in power, and they are aware of it, chances are their mental abuse will soon transform into physical abuse. If you won’t raise your voice against the misfit, they’ll keep doing it. They will keep manipulating your situation because it’s where their needs are being fulfilled, but you’ll be left ajar & empty.
If you’re dealing with a blackmailer like this understand their repeating child like behaviours. Notice if they expect you to see them above everyone. Highlight if they are pin-pointing out your shortcomings. If you won’t confront, they will continue walking up the ladder of misbehaving with you.
How do you step out?
- Work in silence to exit a toxic situation.
2. Never reveal your plans or call to action to your partner.
3. Learn a skillset to become financially independent.
4. Stop providing any personal information to them anymore.
5. Maintain a healthy distance and set firm boundaries.
6. Don’t’ behave badly in reciprocation, act nice even when you don’t want to.
7. Seek outside help from friends and family.
8. If nothing helps, seek the help of social workers.
9. Find a way, like worshipping, meditating, and exercising, to build a strong mind.
10. Engage yourself in some activities to get through your tough days.
11. Keep working towards attaining the exit plan.
YOUR TIME WILL COME 💕
