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What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander
Double Standards in Marital Expectations
Marriage isn’t always about a partnership or a balance sheet of shared responsibilities. In fact, the scales of expectation and judgment often tip unfairly. When I share that my husband doesn’t work, that I am the primary breadwinner in my marriage, and that I’m often disappointed in my husband’s lack of effort as a house spouse, the reactions and comments are telling.
One woman told me outright this morning that I was in a “bad marriage” because of it. This same woman would likely defend a stay-at-home wife if her husband threatened to leave her for the same things my husband does.
Why do we, as a society, uphold such double standards?
What my husband does or doesn’t do for me is not the foundation on which I built my marriage, and for good reason. Do you know why most marriages fail? Because people give up on each other based on unmet expectations.
I’ve purposely built my life to destroy the biases that keep men and women divided in their marital roles and question the fairness of these long-held beliefs.
Marriage isn’t 50/50 — that’s divorce. In a perfect world, marriage is 100/100 — where both parties give 100% to achieve mutual goals. But reality says that sometimes marriage is 120/80 or even 50/150.
If you think that both you and your spouse can operate at 100% all the time, you’re going to be very disappointed. We all have our challenges. We have mental illnesses; we have disabilities; we have sicknesses; we have injuries and neurodiversity — we all will face things that threaten our productivity.
If we’re lucky, we have a spouse who loves us enough to pick up the slack when we can’t. Sure, this burdens them, but that’s what marriage is: being there for someone when they can’t even fully be there for themselves.
First, Let Me Make This Clear
Let’s get this out of the way. I’m not against divorce. I’m not some religious zealot who believes I’m going to hell…
