What’s the Worst Part of Menopause?
You want to feel “normal” but your heart is aching to be accepted by your loved ones with your new-found abnormalities
Alright, I’ll spare you the technical definitions of menopause and perimenopause. The only people who are likely to bother reading this post are either women dealing with this middle-aged health issue or males who know women in a similar situation. The likelihood is that they already know what menopause or perimenopause are.
Based on my own experience, I can say that between all the side effects of menopause — hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, insomnia, weight gain, lack of concentration, change in sexual desire, memory lapses, or hair loss — which vary from women to women — we deal with only two categories of people:
1st — Those who are ready to listen and believe you
2nd — Those who don’t
The people in the 1st category may include:
- Women who have faced similar side effects
- A medical practitioner
- Someone who loves and trusts you unconditionally
Since menopause is not a “disease” with “visible” symptoms, I believe that the majority of the people we encounter on a daily basis fit into the 2nd category. Now, let me tell you something. They are not insensitive, mean human beings. They just can’t accept that a woman who appears to be “visibly normal” is behaving strangely and is whining all the time. Perhaps that’s why they can’t empathize.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
My mantra — Lower your expectations and you won’t be disappointed.
We all know that menopausal symptoms are not consistent throughout the day. It’s no less than a roller-coaster ride. Each day is different from the other. There are days we feel upbeat and absolutely normal. But there are also days we don’t feel confident of yourself and cry for no apparent reason. Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and frustration grip us like a powerful monster. Doing our daily chores, performing professional work, and taking care of other responsibilities become a huge task.
On such days, it’s best to avoid contacts with people who don’t understand what we are going through. Because we will continuously be under the pressure of acting “normal” which is not in our control. As a consequence, we may disappoint ourselves and of course others too. The situation could worsen if they become a target of your mood swings. We are already overwhelmed with emotional and physical fluctuations going inside us. You wouldn’t want an additional pressure of “explaining and justifying” that it’s not YOU, it’s the hormones.
I’m not advocating that we cut people out of our life, mind you. We will wind up alone if we continue to judge people based on how they treat us while we are dealing with the side effects of menopause. Imagine if we ourselves are unable to cope up with the changes happening in our body and mind, it wouldn’t be easy for the other person too. Atleast we can “feel” the changes we are experiencing, others just have to take our words at face value, which, to be fair to them, is not always easy. I would say, we must accept them wholeheartedly as they are.
On the other hand, if we are fortunate to be surrounded with people who are willing to listen and support us, even they are very few, we mustn’t be reluctant in sharing our emotional upheavals. Be it a family member, your spouse, a friend, a support group, or even a medical professional. Sure, there’s no cure of menopausal side effects but a strong support system can help us navigate menopause.
Finding such support system within the family is no less than a blessing. The very feeling that you have someone who’s willing to accept the new and unpredictable YOU, is very reassuring.
