Why did I become a doctor?
It is not the best reason, though.
I was raised as a typical Asian kid with the tagline, “ We brought you to this world to make us proud.”
This was my core belief for the first two decades of my life.
I was a bright student. I got the top grades. I got awards in both academics and extracurricular activities. I was happy because I was making my family proud.
I think now you might have already realized the reason behind my “choosing” to pursue medicine.
Yes, if you have guessed it right, because my parents wanted me to and I want to make them feel proud. I admit it.
This is not the best reason to choose a career, one might argue. Neither am I saying so.
So, what is the big deal with it?
It is a big deal because becoming a doctor is a journey that requires huge intrinsic motivation and immense determination.
You will be tossed and flipped on this journey. There will be humiliation, regrets, discomfort, and a feeling of being lost, besides a huge heap of information to learn and store in your brain.
And choosing this for the sake of someone else other than yourself without mindfulness of what it is going to be like will make it harder for you. You will feel a lack of control over your life throughout. You will find it hard to take responsibility for your life. I am saying this because I have experienced this phase.
I didn’t know any of this. I was groomed for the medical world with these exact words:
“Once you get into medical college, you are settled.”
It didn’t end there.
“Once you get the degree, you are settled.”
It didn’t end there, either.
“ Once you get your post-graduation done, you will be good for sure.”
It continued till
“You need to marry a doctor; only then will you be complete.”
Complete? I am not a book to be completed.
I said enough. I didn’t marry a doctor.
Not because I was fed up with them. But because I fell in love
Okay, that’s for another story. Let’s come back to my medical journey.
During those tough times, the feelings that were more agonizing than those hardships were doubt and sometimes even regret.
In those early times, I would always ask myself if I was fit to be a doctor.
If I had chosen something else, would I have been less stressed and happier?
If I had chosen something I was passionate about, would I have been better?
It took some time and healing for me to get the answers and realize that everything happens to us for a purpose.
I had this realization when
I conducted a vaginal delivery myself and held the newborn in my hands for the first time.
The staff from the outpatient unit called me, saying that a patient wanted to consult with me.
My professor appreciated me for being helpful and considerate to the patients.
I was matched to the specialty that I wanted to pursue amidst huge competition.
The patient whom I attended stayed back to thank me post-discharge.
I see hope in my patient’s eyes and words.
I am continuing to have these realizations as I practice.
And these realizations became my incentives to love what I was doing. I learned to accept the goodness of reality. Meanwhile, I am also making space to welcome new things that I have been wanting to try.
And I would be grateful to my family for one thing for sure. It is for being there for me throughout this tumultuous journey.
Now, I am not suggesting that pursuing something just because your parents wanted to is always going to end well.
Anybody who is on the path of self-discovery and a career-deciding journey should do something that aligns with their passions and interests. This will always be the right thing to do for two reasons:
- You will take full responsibility for your actions.
- You will have no regrets.
But if you are someone like me who realized this too late, come out of that victim mindset and find out the purpose. Or else it will keep you from living the life you love.
This is for all those who are doubting if they have chosen the right way.
- Take responsibility for where you are.
- Find out why you are where you are.
- Start making time for your passions that you have been longing to pursue.
- Start doing what feels right for you.
Are you someone who is yet to make the choice or someone who is already halfway through your work journey?
