Why Women Are Happily Single and Child-Free
And why men are suffering because of it.
We’ve seen and read the articles that single, childfree women are the happiest demographic and that heterosexual men are the loneliest they’ve ever been. And without question, we believe it, but have you actually looked into why?
Florence Pugh’s character Amy in ‘Little Women (2019)’ had it right when she said, “I’m just a woman. And as a woman, I have no way to make money, not enough to earn a living and support my family. Even if I had my own money, which I don’t, it would belong to my husband the minute we were married. If we had children, they would belong to him, not me. They would be his property. So don’t sit there and tell me that marriage isn’t an economic proposition because it is. It may not be for you, but it most certainly is for me.”
Although set in 1868, this monologue holds true to the reality of being a woman during that period and for a long time after. Now, in 2023 we think that we have come a long way, and we have. However, it wasn’t as long ago as you might think that this speech was still relevant.
In fact, here in Australia, it was only:
- In 1902 that non-indigenous women over the age of 21 won the right to vote in federal elections
- In 1956 that women were allowed to continue working in education after marriage
- In 1962 that Indigenous women won the right to vote in federal elections
- In 1966 that women were no longer required to hand over their money upon getting married.
All that may have been over 50 years ago, but that’s only two or three generations. That’s how it was for my grandparents, and those roles would have been ingrained in my mother’s generation growing up. Some of those roles and beliefs would have been taught to even my generation. So, it makes sense that there’s still a shadow of how it used to be in society today.
However, women as a whole are discovering that marriage no longer holds the same value it used to. Therefore, their standards of what they are willing to accept in a partner have been raised. They are choosing to rely on themselves and make themselves happy. If you’re incredibly happy by yourself, it would take a lot for you to consider changing that.
Divorce is no longer frowned upon
This doesn’t just apply to single women deciding to stay single. Married women are also coming to this realisation and ditching their husbands if they’re not meeting their wife’s expectations of a happy, equal marriage.
I’ve grown up watching women run a household, raise kids and manage their husband’s social responsibilities. I’ve watched men go to work (if that) and come home to sit on a couch. Even my mum left a 19-year marriage that, for a long time, no longer benefitted her. She is now killing it in absolutely every aspect of life. She is her best self and the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
Women all over, no matter their marital status, have come to the same conclusion. That their standards don’t need to be lowered and their happiness compromised for a man.
So why are heterosexual men the loneliest they’ve ever been?
Well, even though there have been a lot of changes for women, these changes haven’t directly affected men. So it is more difficult for men to adapt to a change they haven’t experienced until now. For men, there are still benefits to marriage. Some of these benefits include:
- Earning more than their single counterparts due to being able to rely on the unpaid labour of their wife.
- They generally have access to a second income (their wife’s).
- They tend to be healthier and live longer.
Women are no longer looking for a financial provider or to be taken care of; they can do that themselves. They are looking for vulnerability, stability, emotional presence and equality. If a man can’t fulfil those needs, the women are fine on their own.
Unfortunately, these are qualities that are not traditionally taught to men, as they aren’t seen as ‘manly’. So, the men who weren’t taught these qualities must learn them themselves and completely change how they think. This is a challenging task.
What’s the solution?
The solution is clear and straightforward but may not be easy. Men need to up their game. Men need to work to become the best version of themselves because that’s what women do. Work on your health, build a career you love, go to therapy, and learn life and household skills. Grow as a human being so you can enter the dating pool on a level playing field and have a chance at a happy, equal and supportive marriage. Or stay single if you prefer; there’s nothing wrong with that.
If you’re in a happy relationship of any kind, good on you! These studies and articles talk about monogamous, heterosexual relationships and not representing all possible types of relationships. They are also speaking generally and of statistics.
Articles talking about how unmarried, child-free women are the happiest and how heterosexual men are the loneliest don’t surprise me because I’ve personally seen this story play out. To me, it’s common sense. But what do you think? Are you happy being single? Or are you happily coupled up?
