You’re Going About Your Imposter Syndrome All Wrong — Here’s Why
We’ve been using “Imposter Syndrome” as a band-aid for a much bigger issue
I was first introduced to the concept back in 2017. I was eighteen, and entering into the photography industry. Imposter syndrome was presented as this great “explain all” for the anxiety I felt as I progressed in my career.
At the time, I found it to be a soothing thought. With two simple words, I could dismiss my nerves as “imposter syndrome”. Something natural, out of my control, and more importantly, not my fault. But as time passed and my insecurity remained, I began to see the holes in the idea.
I realized it’s one thing to name an emotional phenomenon. It’s another thing entirely to learn how to change it.
To do that, I needed to develop a clear-cut understanding of my emotional defence mechanisms. I needed to realise that “imposter syndrome” is not merely a lack of confidence in our abilities. It’s a need for moral validation.
Everything Comes Back To Moral Value
I think the best way for you to understand what I’m on about is to start at the beginning — with the fundamentals of human emotion.
You see, there are three lenses through which we view life. They are…
- Systemic: focused on maintaining our comfort and safety
- Extrinsic: focused on maintaining our perceived moral value
- Intrinsic: focused on living life as the truest version of ourselves - free from emotional defence mechanisms and acting with compassion, curiosity and exploration.
At any given time, we perceive & interpret the world through one of these lenses. All our decisions & reactions are tied to the core focus of whichever lens we find ourselves in.
When we’re in the Extrinsic lens, preserving our moral value becomes the utmost highest priority. Whether consciously or not, we want to be “good”, we want to believe we’re in the right, that we are a good & valuable person and that other people believe so too.
We see this emotional need play out over and over again, in every walk of life. Even the people we don’t expect to find it in. That’s why you’ll see interviews of serial killers calmly justifying their actions, or endless clips of their families claiming that they were always lovely to them.
I know it’s a harsh example. But if we recognise it’s true in these extreme cases, it’s easier to see it in the everyday examples around us.
Even your most frustrating coworker or estranged family member wants to think they are the good guy, and they will instinctively act to preserve that belief when their moral value is put under question.
I’ve done exactly the same thing. Just as I’m sure you have too. Heck, the other day, I had an argument with my partner, Devin, because he didn’t react the way I expected when I shared a new business idea with him. His lack of enthusiasm led me to question my moral value, and then I set about to prove it. How? By trying to pry a better reaction out of him, of course.
As ridiculous as it is, this is a pattern we all fall into. I mean, even now I feel that little pinch of embarrassment as I try to anticipate your judgement of my moral value after reading this. To be completely honest, I almost scrapped this entire example… multiple times.
To get back to the point of the article, it was with this framework that I was finally able to understand imposter syndrome enough to overcome it.
The True Imposter
When you find yourself suffering from imposter syndrome, what do you do? The typical advice is to:
- Fight your feelings with evidence
- Share how you feel with others
- Focus on improving your skills
- Or “toot your own horn”
In other words, do everything you can to prove to yourself that you have moral value.
Can you see the problem yet?
We develop “imposter syndrome” because, for one reason or another, we feel our moral value is in question. A new job, project, or success triggers self-doubt.
- What if this is a fluke?
- What if I can’t pull this off?
- What if people realise I’m not all I’m cracked up to be?
Translated: What if someone or something declares me as morally unvaluable?
Imposter syndrome is not simply self-doubt in our competence. It’s a fear of being “found out” and the moral degradation that we anticipate will follow.
Knowing this, we can finally see the mistake we’ve been making this whole time. We can see why all our efforts to overcome imposter syndrome have failed — why we keep falling back into self-doubt and anxiety when we are faced with something new.
Do you see it yet?
The mistake we keep on making is that we keep on feeding our need for moral value with proof of our moral value.
We keep on feeding the beast and then stand bewildered when it calls out for another meal.
If we try to rid ourselves of imposter syndrome — of the need for moral validation — by manufacturing moral validation, all we do is make the syndrome stronger.
Sure, if you go out searching for evidence of your abilities, if you prod others to sing your praises, if you improve your skill to undeniable success, you’re going to feel better about yourself. The beast will be satisfied for the moment. You will feel morally valuable for a while. That is until the next thing, until your supply runs out or you step out of your comfort zone once again.
Perhaps this time your imposter syndrome won’t relate to your career. But your beast isn’t a fool; it’ll find new places to hit you. You’ll begin to question if you’re a good mother, or if your relationship will last.
As soon as we step away from the convoluted idea of “impostor syndrome” and recognize the true cause of the phenomenon — a need for moral value — we can begin to see just how often we fall into the same trap.
Enough Dramatics, What’s The Answer?
Glad you asked!
Do you remember those lenses I told you about?
The beautiful thing about being able to simplify human emotion to three key lenses, is that we can view quickly see the solutions to our problems.
Instead of endlessly appealing to our hunger for moral value, we can simply switch lenses.
“Simple! Nothing feels simple about this, Ellisha!”
Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
Of course, right now it doesn’t seem that easy. But give a girl the chance to explain. You can complain at the end if you’re still so inclined. 😉
Pulling The Right Lever
Something you’ll hear me constantly complain about is that, as human beings, we have a tendency to focus on the wrong lever.
In this case, we are putting all our force into keeping the lever of our moral value on the side of validation. But that slippery bugger keeps on flipping over!
If we step back for a moment, wipe the sweat from our brows and take a look around us, we’d notice the lever beside us. One that’s bigger and much less stubborn.
I’ll drop the metaphors and get to the point.
We need to turn our attention towards the Intrinsic lens — towards exploration, curiosity and authenticity.
I don’t want to sit here and tell you the answer to your imposter syndrome is to “believe”, or to stop caring so much about what others think of you. That advice is empty, and frankly useless when you are chin deep in emotional defense mechanisms.
Instead, I’m going to give you some actionable advice.
Underneath your imposter syndrome and all your other defense mechanisms is a version of you unburdened by fear or stress. This is the truest you. The you that only you can describe. A you far more complex, beautiful and capable than the rest of the world will ever understand.
It is this person that you can be if you choose to live through the Intrinsic lens.
By changing lenses — by choosing to act through exploration and make decisions through curiosity — you can free this version of yourself from the endless cycle of moral validation.
I won’t lie, this isn’t a quick fix. It’ll take practice to dismiss your defense mechanisms quickly and effectively. But, unlike the alternative, one day you will be free of them. Your true self will grow strong enough to control your emotions, and things like your insatiable need for moral validation will seem…illogical (to quote Spock).
This article is getting long as it is, so unfortunately, I can’t give you the full run-down here. If you’re interested in learning more about this framework and some practical exercises to empower your truest self, I have a course.
But for those who love a freebie (aka. everyone), I’ll give you this little nugget of wisdom.
The next time you feel imposter syndrome creeping in, ask yourself:
- Why do I feel like my moral value is under threat right now?
- Is it real, or am I trying to protect myself from the possibility of emotional hurt?
Keep growing, Ellisha x
P.S. You can download a worksheet with those questions (as well as 5+ other emotion exercises) for free here.
P.P.S. If you give them a go, I’d love to hear how you went in the responses, or you can send me an email at ellisha<at>charettesociety.com
