Ask Dr. NerdLove: Am I Dating an Incel?
He doesn’t come across as being misogynistic, but I’m worried that if I continue going down this route and become invested, I may discover too late that he holds toxic beliefs about women.
Hey Doc,
To make a long story short, after a decade-long relationship that lasted from my early twenties to early thirties, I’m now dating again. I’m a straight woman in a major urban area. I’ve been relying primarily on dating apps, which has had some ups and downs. I recently met a really nice guy and we’ve gone on a couple dates. He’s been very respectful, attentive, and has never pressured me in any way. He’s actually a breath of fresh air in comparison to some of the other guys I’ve met from the apps.
Except (there’s always an except, right?) that on occasion he has espoused incel-type beliefs and terminology, including the 80–20 thing (that the top eighty percent women are drawn to the top twenty percent of guys), made a joke about how that’s why women always pick the assholes, and talked about Chads when I was sharing some of my funny dating app-related disasters. (It came up organically in the conversation.) I’m frankly confused. He’s an intelligent, good-looking…
