“Modern Identities” Newsletter
The Premier Issue
By The Good Men Project Editors
Greetings from The Agents of Change* Medium publication “Modern Identities.” This is our periodic newsletter. In this and future newsletters, we will highlight stories submitted by contributors to “Modern Identities”, we’ll offer a few writing prompts, remind you how to submit your content to our assorted publications, and we’ll invite you to participate in our community.
*Read “About Modern Identities”
You’re Invited: “How to Create Social Change”
A free, live multimedia event on 7/21/2021. Click for more information and to enroll now.
Editor’s Picks: “Modern Identities” Articles We Think You’ll Love!
- Not Ready To Love a Gay Child? Then Don’t Have Kids
- “I Never Would Have Guessed He’s Gay!”
- 25 Virtues Found in the Best of Men
- 7 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Being a Man and a Dad
- Cis With a Genderqueer Spouse
- Examples of Core Beliefs and How To Change Yours
- 4 Subtle Clues That Reveal a Man’s Character
- I Used to Feel Ashamed of My Autism: Here’s What I Feel Now
- The Greatest Threat to Patriarchy: Men Getting in Touch with Their Feelings
- On Becoming an Enlightened Man in the 21st Century
- Four Undeniable Truths of Being an Authentic Man
- 4 Promises from a Christian Pastor Dad if His Children Turn Out To Be Gay
- People Aren’t Born Gay or Straight
- Call Me Queer
- 5 Questions This Genderqueer Person Would Like to Answer for You
- Behind the Mask
- ‘I Don’t Want To Be Gay’
- I’m a Perfectly Normal Woman. I Just Wasn’t Born This Way.
- Womxn and Romance
- Am I Any Less of a Man Because I’m Autistic?
- Confessions of a Workaholic
FEATURED STORIES
5 Mistakes Men Make in Relationships
1. THE AMBIGUOUSLY OR CONVENIENTLY UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIP THAT ONLY BENEFITS YOU: You’re afraid to put a label on what you are. Maybe you just got out of a 10-round, knuckle-down, bruiser of a relationship. Maybe you or your partner has major commitment issues or a history of cheating. Maybe you’re not looking for a relationship and you sense that s/he is. At some point, though, this relationship becomes a black eye because one of you starts to have feelings and that inequality creates instability, power issues, and insecurity in the relationship. Because you’re trying not to appear needy or pathetic, or because you remember the last story they told you about a psychopathic ex and a boiled bunny, you try as hard as you can to play it cool. Except it’s not working anymore and you (or your partner) are silently hurt that the other person doesn’t want more from the relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s impossible. It doesn’t even matter if the two of you would make a shitty couple. It starts to gnaw at one of you that s/he is fine living in a world without boundaries or expectations. In theory, hooking up without boundaries or definitions makes so much sense. But when one of you is not cool with the situation anymore, then neither of you can pretend the relationship is working anymore.
2. THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET IN YOUR BOOKMARK: You like porn.(Click to read more.)
Ask Dr. NerdLove: Am I Dating an Incel?
Hey Doc,
To make a long story short, after a decade-long relationship that lasted from my early twenties to early thirties, I’m now dating again. I’m a straight woman in a major urban area. I’ve been relying primarily on dating apps, which has had some ups and downs. I recently met a really nice guy and we’ve gone on a couple dates. He’s been very respectful, attentive, and has never pressured me in any way. He’s actually a breath of fresh air in comparison to some of the other guys I’ve met from the apps.
Except (there’s always an except, right?) that on occasion he has espoused incel-type beliefs and terminology, including the 80–20 thing (that the top eighty percent women are drawn to the top twenty percent of guys), made a joke about how that’s why women always pick the assholes, and talked about Chads when I was sharing some of my funny dating app-related disasters. (It came up organically in the conversation.) I’m frankly confused. He’s an intelligent, good-looking guy, a good conversationalist, and overall a fun date. He doesn’t come across as being misogynistic at all, but I’m worried that if I continue going down this route and become invested, I may discover too late that’s he holds really toxic beliefs about women. (Click to read more.)
Seven Characteristics That Make a Boy a Man
The transition from boyhood to becoming a man doesn’t happen automatically or overnight. Experiences, relationships, and challenges faced along the way shape each of us into unique individuals. And all of these factors help a boy turn into a man.
While most males learn and grow on this journey, others do not. How a boy responds to the adversity along the way will determine if he matures or gets lost in an arrested development. Some males learn from their mistakes, seek wisdom from older adults and take the challenges that come at them head on.
Here are seven characteristics that differentiate a man from a boy. (Click to read more.)
What Does Beautiful Masculinity Look Like?
The #MeToo movement has made clear what many of us have known for a while: there is a problem with the culture of masculinity. In the past, it was debatable, it was ignorable. It can no longer be ignored and there is very little real debate about whether or not the traditional culture of masculinity is problematic.
Thank you, women, again. Thank you for having the courage to do what we men could not do. Thank you for making it clear that something needs to happen.
Now that we agree that there is a problem, what do we do about it? There are both symptoms and underlying causes. What is the symptom and what is the cause?
I read an op-ed in the NYT that argued that masculinity is fundamentally brutal. I hear a lot of variations on this argument. “Male sexuality is fundamentally predatory”. I see this perspective as neither accurate nor helpful. (Click to read more.)
Why I Don’t Want You To Call Me ‘Girl’
By Paget Norton
It started with a disagreement. My feminist husband insisted that “girl” was the same as “guy.” I said it wasn’t. My 6-year-old son chimed in. He didn’t like the word “woman” because it sounded like a monster. They were no help at all. Add the fact I have often been known to call a group of people “you guys,” and hang out with the “girls,” and I wondered if I was fighting the losing fight. Isn’t it all just semantics? Or is it?
Why is it that a group of women in their thirties can be referred to as “girls”? What is the difference between a group of 6-year-old girls and a group of mothers? The pre-pubescent, the teenagers, the post-college women, peri-menopausal women . . . how is it that they can be called “girls”? Am I just nit-picking? And why don’t I hear other people talking about a group of 40-year-old men as “boys”? Or, “I’m dating this 35-year-old boy” — unless a man is truly acting juvenile.
Why should we care? The answer is simple. Is this the society you want your daughters to grow up in? What about your mothers and partners and sisters? (Click to read more.)
Why I Remain Single
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him,” Genesis Chapter 2: Verse 18.
Once again, I endured another Valentine’s Day. This so-called holiday continues as my big sister’s birthday and nothing more. Dear God, I want to remain single forever. As Billy Joel sang, “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life. Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone.”
For a Southern guy, to stay single into his forties is simply unacceptable to his family. As a guy without a wife, I may as well be an alien from outer space. While visiting family while in college, I received a not so subtle message from my mother when she said, upon my arrival home, “Grandchildren now!” Marriage is right of passage that my relatives expect when making the transition into adulthood. It is an important element of our society’s cultural DNA.
Families serve as the cornerstone of our country’s stability. The research regarding the benefits of marriage has inundated the popular media; there seems to be an endless number of scientifically proven reasons why we should marry. (Click to read more.)
Writing Prompts
“Modern Identities” is a publication about how we identify our authentic self: as an individual, in relation to a loved one, and as a member of society. To help keep your creativity flowing, we offer you the following writing prompts related to relationships. Take them and make them your own.
- How did you come to discover your authentic self?
- I’m queer and my partner is cishet.
- I used to be ____, now I’m just “me”.
- Here’s what I learned about myself in my solitude during the pandemic.
- If you identify as an activist, tell us how your activism shapes and guides you.
- My identity is far more than my pronouns.
- How have your company’s diversity, equity, and inclusion policies benefitted the company and you as an employee?
- Here’s what I learned about love in my first queer relationship.
- My partner is my best friend. Here’s why that works so well for us.
When you’re ready, submit your story to us!
If you have a Medium account, use the form at this link so we can add you as a contributor to our publication.
The Good Men Project — Use This Form To Be Added to The Good Men Project’s Medium Publication
If you do not have an author account on Medium, use this link to submit your story to The Good Men Project.
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.
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Agents of Change A collaborative effort between “agents of change,” Good Men Media, Inc. and Connection Victory Publishing Company. AgentsOfChange@ConnectionVictory.com
