What’s Wrong with Being a Submissive Man?

Let’s take a look at these misunderstood gentlemen

Millie Cohen
Modern Identities
3 min readFeb 6, 2023

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The truth? There’s nothing wrong with it!

A guy who’s just a little bit too eager to please their woman or always deferring to his partner’s desires may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it does not make the guy less of a man.

Now, you might think that submissiveness is a weakness, but let me tell you, it’s not.

You see, submissive men are often misunderstood, and as a result, they struggle to find romantic partners who can accept and appreciate their nature. Society often associates submissiveness with a lack of confidence or self-worth, but in reality, these guys can be confident. They simply choose to surrender control in certain situations to enhance intimacy and trust with their partners.

But here’s the thing, because of the negative stigma attached to submissiveness, especially to men, many of those who identify as submissive feel like they have to hide their true selves. And isn’t that just a little sad?

We Celebrate Women Who Assert Dominance, So Why Do We Shame the Men Who Want to Be Submissive?

Society tells us that men should always be in control and assertive, but what happens when that’s not who they are? A lot of submissive guys feel like they can’t be their true selves, and that’s when the problems start.

The truth is, submissiveness can be a valuable and fulfilling aspect of a relationship when both partners embrace it. It takes a lot of courage for a guy to be true to himself, especially when society is telling him that his behavior is “wrong.” But why does it have to be that way?

Let’s start with the expectations placed on men.

Men are supposed to approach a woman, start a conversation, and make a move — all while being confident and assertive. That’s a lot to ask of anyone! And what if a guy isn’t naturally confident or assertive toward other people? The pressure to meet these expectations can be overwhelming and take the fun out of dating.

Then there’s the idea that a man has to have something valuable to offer a woman. Whether it’s wealth, experience, or status, this reinforces the belief that women only want men who can provide for them. It’s a harmful and untrue stereotype that’s a holdover from patriarchal beliefs. It makes both men and women feel bad — women because they’re being objectified, and men because they feel like they’re not good enough.

Finally, there’s the expectation that men should not be equal to but to be even better than women in terms of experience, wealth, and maturity. This reinforces toxic gender roles and can make men feel inferior if they don’t measure up.

If you’re a submissive guy, you might feel like you’re constantly having to prove yourself to meet society’s expectations of what a man should be. And let’s face it, those expectations are pretty high. It can make you feel that you’re never going to find someone.

And that fear of being alone forever can make you try even harder to attract a partner. This constant need to prove yourself can be exhausting. It takes all the fun out of dating.

These expectations are not fair. Men should be able to express themselves and make their own moves, without feeling limited by what society thinks a man should be.

Whether you’re a confident, assertive guy or a submissive guy, you should feel free to be yourself and have fun.

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Millie Cohen
Modern Identities

I help men navigate the often-complex world of dating. Relationship Coach for https://mymailorderbride.com/