Why I Didn’t Write

I had a lot of talking to do

Published in
3 min readNov 11, 2022


Foto door Kelly

The last couple of weeks (probably months), I haven’t written so much. A lot of things happened. Good things too. Just a lot of things. Here are a few.

I started feeling better

Since I used writing as a tool for healing, it reminded me of a hard phase in my life. Writing was a link to a hard period, so I didn’t write once I felt better. Now I can write again. Not because it isn’t triggering anymore. It is needed.

I worked on my businesses

I created a website that creates websites. Another passion project is a children’s empowerment project where I try to turn their being different into super powers. It’s called TAKIRA.

Someone told my friend he was sweet

A girl he was dating told him he was sweet and he was triggered for three days straight. I tried to find out why. When he told me he decided not to be kind anymore, it confirmed something I suspected for a long time: we men/boys are constantly trying to prove ourselves by showing how tough we are. Being kind can get you hurt or shot.

Someone got shot an hour later

After we went home, an hour later I got a message from him that a boy got shot and killed. Rotterdam is tough.

I received a lot of help

2022 was the year I had to sell my house. My brother and a good friend helped me by assisting me since I was dealing with a manipulative and blackmailing person. But with enough help, I got through something I never thought I could do.

I asked for a lot of help

At moments I felt helpless, alone, and in extreme fear. I called friends and they came. They helped me and gave me the feeling I was safe. Not by their words. Just by being there. Just by caring.

My friends opened up more

By asking for help, my friends somehow opened up and asked me for help too. I love the fact they did. We men are sometimes so closed off and struggling by ourselves. That’s why kids shoot each other. We need to open up more. I had a lot of talking to do.

I want to create safe spaces

My project TAKIRA started as an art project with a focus on safe spaces. I started it because I never felt safe. I’ve felt unsafe from my 14th year up until now. I’m turning 40 the 2nd of January. Now that I learned how to ask for help — and receive it — I feel I want to help others. When life seemed impossible, I know how much it meant to me getting help from others. Not because they wanted money for it but because they actually cared.


My intention is to change the climate of violence and turn a tough city into a paradise on earth. Not sure how, I just know that I care and I can communicate complex concepts through simple expressions of art. I have a lot of talking to do.

I missed all of you

I missed all you writers and readers. I knew my pause was needed, and would never become a full stop. I knew I had to let it run its course, until my excitement for writing returned. I’m glad it has returned and our writing is needed. Writers and thinkers can change the world. We just have a lot of talking to do too.




I have some stories in me that I need to tell. Mostly fiction & poetry.