How To Have the Best Long Distance YouTube Date Under Self-Quarantine
Warning: Self-Quarantining Could Lead to Actually Fucking Getting to Know One Another.
What a week, huh? *coughs* *looks around suspiciously*
So here’s where we’re at: we’ve come to terms with the new Corona-world where most of us are now practicing monogamous or self-love for the sake of everyone’s health. We’re not fucking around here. Literally.
It’s cool, though. We can do this.
While we’re all staying safe and healthy by social distancing and self-quarantining, this doesn’t mean you can’t have fun getting to know your potential future partners, lovers, or friends — or have real intimacy. In fact, increasing mental intimacy is really great for your psychological health, which so many are struggling to keep a grasp on right now.
So, where do I start to build intimacy if we can’t even meet for a date?
Plan an Online Date (And Yes, Actually Plan It).
My favorite date that I enjoy going on time and time again is — perhaps surprisingly — not a fancy dinner, exotic helicopter ride, or tickets to a sold-out show. My favorite date of all time involves cheap tacos (or whatever other takeout we are mutually hangry for), our favorite drinks (likely alcoholic), weed (optional), and hours and hours of showing each other every little crevice of one another’s… playlists.
Show me you love me by showing me your YouTube favorites.
From the silly, to the awesome, to the inspiring, to the gross, showing a potential lover your YouTube favorites will reveal your personalities in music, news, comedy, and entertainment almost as quickly as sifting through your date’s Instagram profile will.
When I started inviting dates over to my place for the YouTube date (usually a second or third date, but occasionally a first), it helped relax me in ways that made me feel like I could trust a man in my home again after domestic abuse, and maybe even imagine being in a long-term relationship again. For some time, I wrongly thought that non-monogamy was only for those who desired short, surface-level relationships.
Opening up to Intimacy
The YouTube date helped me feel attached to the men I had sexual relationships with in a far more intimate way when I knew sex would be preceded with at least an hour of chilling together with my cats on the couch with our feet up. My dates’ choices in what they showed me on YouTube left me not only an impression of their essence and what made them smile, it also left my own YouTube playlist with an altered algorithm that included my date’s influence.
It turned me on to some new types of music I might not have enjoyed previously and caused my dates’ favorite songs to show up in my playlists again and again and expand my own musical tastes. The YouTube date built a foundation upon which I could get to know someone I was attracted to once they were in my living room. But luckily you don’t need to be in the same living room to have a successful YouTube date.
YouTube Date “How To” Guide
The YouTube date is easy to do if you’re social distancing. It won’t include the skin-to-skin contact that you may be yearning for, but you’d be surprised at how good you can feel from building a stronger online connection with someone you like. Here’s a few steps to keep in mind as you’re going about planning your YouTube date:
- Contact your potential date via appropriate text message or direct message channel and ask them out. Do not just video message them when you get the urge. In fact, don’t do that to anybody, ever. We’re naked and our hair looks weird, for fuck’s sake.
- Set up a mutually agreeable time and plan to be in a place where you and your date can both be most yourselves — a quiet, relatively private room without distraction. Do not do this if your unsuspecting spouse is in the home with you, fool.
- Plan to use FaceTime, WhatsApp, or whatever platform you’re both comfortable using that has a reliable internet connection. Set up your laptop or phone to point at you and whatever you’re using to stream YouTube. Here’s my setup (it’s back there behind my boobs):
4. Assuming we’re all single and no one is busting in unannounced to uncloak one’s infidelity, mutually decide how long you will be on the video connection so that there’s no awkwardness about, “I gotta… get up early tomorrow.” I’d recommend limiting video dates to one hour.
5. Choose 5–6 clips ahead of time of things you’d like to watch with your date that represent some interesting things about who you are or might segue into a story you might like to share. Make at least one clip funny, one inspiring, one that makes you doubt what’s true, and one that makes you happy. This will ensure your date gets to see some various sides of your personality.
Additional tips:
Limit each clip to 5:00 minutes each, then allow 5:00 minutes or so after you both watch the clip to talk about how it made you feel. Grab an adult beverage (not seven, ya sloppy drunk).
Also, wear some fucking clothes, will ya? Ideas: A camisole with a push-up bra and some cute boy shorts. Over the knee socks would be a nice touch, but don’t get too uncomfortable or it will show. If a tee and some gray sweats are your thing, let it happen, for heaven’s sake.
Be humble, be kind, and be responsive. Be mindful to share time equally between the parties on the connection. Also, a pro tip: if you play your cards right and don’t act like the kind of douchebag who expects that your online date will turn into a fierce mutual masturbation session… then it just might.
What Your Date Might Look Like:
Here’s a sample date that you can use as a template:
You: Okay, Ill start. Here’s one that’s funny. I just love this particular artist who still uses claymation. Such talent, but also I really enjoy the bizarre humor:
Your Date: (Your Date shares a funny clip. Ask what date likes about the clip they shared.)
You: Okay, so the inspiring clip I chose is also nostalgic. It’s one of my favorite bands, whom I’ve seen live twice in my former hometown of Las Vegas. Here’s one of the shows I attended:
You: I found this particular song really helpful during a period in my life that I was struggling.
Your Date: (Your date shares an inspiring clip. Ask them about it.)
You: Our next prompt is to share something that makes you doubt what’s true. I was at the Imagine Dragons show just two nights before the Vegas shooting and have quite the story I’d love to tell in more detail on another night. Here’s an interesting clip I found about that:
Your Date: (Date shares a clip or two of something that makes them doubt what’s true. Ask them why they think that way.)
Wrapping it Up
My longer YouTube dates would typically go down conspiracy theory rabbit holes at this point, but my final pro-tip for your virtual YouTube date is to save the best for last. Ask your date to share their final clip (something that makes them happy), then make sure you choose one final clip which makes you happy…and perhaps in the mood for some unexpected flesh flashes or even — gasp! — mutual masturbation.
Happy quarantine YouTube dating, everyone!
Gabrielle Dion Visca is a Cincinnati, Ohio journalist who writes about ethical non-monogamy and Instagram for Medium and is the founder and publisher of MedicateOH, a non-profit public health journalism project founded in 2019. She accepts tips via Venmo and subscription to exclusive adult content via OnlyFans.
