How What We Don’t Say Destroys Relationships
It’s Not Always What You Say, But What You Don’t That Matters
In the midst of some tense and heartfelt advice that I was asked for today, I suggested that someone tread lightly in their current predicament with their partner. They were upset, rather understandably, and were brazenly parading it as if it was something that should be on display. I don’t fault her for this, we’ve all been there, relationships can be frustrating. But I know that when we aren’t thinking isn’t the time to let our emotions show — we never know how a person will respond, if they respond at all. And what if they don’t? What if they plead the fifth and exercise their right to remain silent?
I told her to think things over and to take a walk, then contact me in a little bit after she’d cleared her head. There was a reason I did this and that reason is because of what is left unsaid. Had the two had a heated argument, each party would have walked away with their own perspectives which differ in their shading of reality. The truth would be distorted for each one, ever so slightly, and could effectively warp what each person took from the situation. Once the two had parted, supposing they had a heated exchange, they retreat to their own minds where the slow degradation of the unified and shared reality begins.
