There I was, watching her get ready to accompany a friend to a nice dinner out, putting her makeup on, a nice merlot-colored sweater with matching shoes, skin-tight jeans, and a fierce glance that was anything but childlike, a glance which shifted back and forth from her reflection in the mirror to mine, as we talked while she prepared for an adult night out. I took a moment in silence and let her speak, a brief break from the quips we’d been cracking back and forth, and sat there observing her in sheer amazement: “She is such a powerful woman,” I thought…
For the longest time, I didn’t date older women when I was younger. It just didn’t end up happening, I always seemed to click with women who were younger than me, being the very young personality that I am. But I was certainly missing out. My current relationship is a massive divergence from my usual modus operandi. Maybe it’s because I have my life a bit more together, maybe it’s because I’ve sewn my wild oats and lived a full and exuberant life and it’s just time for me to settle down and relax with my other half, maybe all of these things play a role in this new joy I’ve found in now dating an older woman, but what’s undeniable is that it has its perks. She has her stuff together, there’s no doubt about that. And, when we talk about enjoying one another’s presence for a long time to come, we mean business, not just pretty words to woo one another to bed with. We’ve learned to see fleeting emotions and momentary passions for what they are and she’s cautious about saying the wrong thing, lest she gives others the wrong idea. She’s careful with her words and I admire this.
While I don’t mean to diss younger women, here, because youth has its perks for both men and women alike, and I understand that age is very relative and by no means a sign of maturity, there are still some traits that are more commonly found in older people which are just a damn treat to be around when it comes to dating, such as:
- When an older woman commits to you, she means it. She’s lived enough of her life to have shed her whimsical ways and learned not to make rash commitments (we all learn this, hopefully). There’s security in this. Even when dating a younger person goes perfectly right, young people, in my experience, are more likely to jump ship when they see someone better come along. As we age, we become more firm in our convictions and take commitments much more seriously.
- They’re stand-up people who will support us when we need it, but they’ll also expect us to fulfill our obligations and take care of ourselves. It’s not a one-way street. Dating an older woman has shown me that support is a two-way street, whereby we’re expected to do our part and when we fail, we’ll have someone who has our back. This is maturity.
- The sex is great. Popular culture tells us that women begin to like sex more as they get older, that they “hit their stride” after they reach the age of 30, etc., but nobody ever really explains why. The “why” in my view is that women finally become comfortable with their bodies as they get older — yes, it takes that long — and even if they never become completely comfortable with their own bodies (who is?) they at least become more comfortable with the men they’re intimate with as time goes on, in most cases. I feel like a sex-positive culture could help women greatly, in this regard.
- She doesn’t mince words when it comes to laying out her points, her ideas, her beliefs, and her desires. She tells me straight up like it is, what she wants, and what her expectations are, as do I her, and we’re almost always on the same page, because we’re clear about where we want to go and what we want to do, as well as what we won’t tolerate. I respect that.
- Just because she’s older, doesn’t mean she can’t be hot. Older women can be quite stunning and literally make a room stop, show-stoppers that they can be, and when they do, it’s not so much done in a cutesy, sexy way, but rather, the force of sheer elegance. There’s something to be said about a youthful playfulness, but everyone takes maturity much more seriously.
- She’s unafraid to put me in my place — but it comes from a place of love. If she thinks I’m making a bad decision or a horrible career choice, she tells me bluntly, rather than keeping quiet about it and watching me waste my time on things that might not pan out. She helps me analyze why she thinks what she thinks and tries to demonstrate her opinions.
- She does all of this because she actually listens. Listening is extremely important and I would notice that when I was younger and dating, the conversations were often very much a game of patient waiting to drop the next line that we felt was going to attract the person to us more. This tends to go away. Even sexual advances become quick, like, “I’ve got work, I’ve got business to tend to and pets, are we doing this, or what?”
- All of this provides an atmosphere of open communication. The double-edged sword to this idea is that a lot of people probably aren’t ready for open communication, because to have it, our ideas and opinions need to stand on their merits, not on our illusions of control.
- I respect her on the deepest of levels. This is both for her accomplishments and the whole-package of who she is. She’s able to function on a lot of levels in society and that’s admirable. She’s overcome a lot in life and that’s moving. It’s important that we respect who we’re with, but before we do this, we need to make sure we respect ourselves, otherwise, people we would respect just intimidate us.
I also think that our society, being one that grew out of the prudish Victorian society of Anglo-America, developed an excessive admiration for youthful femininity at the expense of many amazing, strong, powerful, assertive, and wonderful women out there. Our cultural roots have tried, at times, to banish older women, relegating them to the duty of being married housewives, incapable of sexuality, while nothing could be further from the truth. For many women, this is the time in their lives that they come most alive. This duality of woman is evidence of Patriarchal views which make women appear solely as a sex object. There’s nothing wrong with being a sex object, in my view, it’s when someone is only a sex object that there’s a problem, and much of our culture has tended to view young, unmarried women as “available” while older women who are “supposed to be married” are seen as “off-limits.”
An interesting book which details how these bogus ideas of the supposed “naturalness” of youthful women being more attractive is Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means For Modern Relationships. It challenges the notion that these sexual principles are engrained in our biology, and expounds on the fact that cultures all over have had much more varied sexuality than our relatively prudish culture, which tends to place undue value on feminine youth at the expense of all of the rest of women. Again, this itself is a sign that women are only viewed through a lens of reproductive prowess, something that many men have no problem admitting to…if only those men knew how wrong they were…and how dehumanizing.
For men out there who are looking for something a little more serious, a little more down-to-earth, a little more concrete, I genuinely recommend considering dating an older woman. It’s not that young people can’t possess these traits, many certainly do, but years bestow upon us wisdom and strength, both of which are very necessary ingredients for a profound relationship. I’ve found it much more fulfilling than I’d ever thought possible before I actually, you know, gave it a shot.
Disclosure: This story contains affiliate links through which I may make a small commission on any sales. I only recommned the best and Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships is an excellent, captivating read.
Here’s another story you might be interested in: