Just before my girlfriend got dressed and ready to go out to dinner with her husband while I tucked away into my bedroom dungeon to work for the evening, I entered her bedroom to find a gorgeous and scantily-clad woman choosing her outfit for the eve. She was stressed. It was a long day at work and she had a lot on her mind, a lot that could easily be taken off with a massage. I presented her with the t-shirt I’d bought her online that had just arrived in the mail and told her to undress and hop on the bed, it was time for a massage with liberal amounts of lotion, stat. She was enthused.
I rubbed her down for a good while and then left, back to my ordinary life on the other side of our home in my own little domain to enjoy myself and get some work done. As I strolled back I began to think, “Why doesn’t everyone treat their significant other like this? Isn’t this how it should be?” Heh, I’ll admit, I was a little caught off-guard. I seem to have forgotten the all-too-sad reality that many (most?) couples don’t treat one another this way.
The beauty of it is that she does extremely similar types of kind gestures to me all the time…without being prompted, without being asked, without any of the usual huffing and puffing that I, and probably everyone else reading this, have experienced time and again. We just treat each other well because that’s what we do. Why would you date someone that didn’t incline you to go above and beyond, to excel to be the best version of yourself you possibly could be, every single day?
This makes absolutely no sense to me and it doesn’t to her either. As I’ve said before, the goal of a relationship is to live together and by live, I don’t mean we should aim to cohabitate, but to truly live our lives to the utmost that we can, pushing ourselves to do more, try more, see more, experience more, feel more, and be more. In short, our actions towards our partners are concrete displays of what we feel they are worth to us, how much they matter, and what they’re deserving of. It’s no wonder so many out there complain that their partners don’t love them enough, when love today is often measured by sweet words rather than sincere deeds.
Even for those of us to whom money is an issue, when finances stand in our way, massages are always free. I really hate to sound insensitive when I say this, but I sincerely believe that doing this and going the extra mile is what separates good partners from bad partners. Simply put, I value myself, I value my life, and I value those I choose to spend time with.
This is a reciprocal situation in which if someone is in my life, they’re there because they deserve to be, and they’re treated as such. I don’t tolerate settling for people I don’t like, who has time for that? My behavior towards my girlfriend is a reflection of how I feel she is, which is reflection of how I choose my partners and how much I value myself; continue this bouncing-back idea of our partners being a reflection of us and our actions as being a reflection of how we view them (and ourselves) long enough and pretty soon this little analogy turns into a funhouse complete with a mirror room. Because it’s all tied together.
When she texts me that she’s stressed or having a long day at work, I prepare the bathroom with candles instantly without saying a word and begin to draw the steaming hot water so she can soak her muscles the moment she walks through the door and just relax and decompress. In the mornings, she makes coffee when she gets up before I do and comes into my room presenting it for me to wake up to a delicious cup of something wonderful, often complete with breakfast to get my day started right. To us, this stuff is just fun to do.
This is what we consider living well…one of the smallest little things that I’ve found that women notice majorly when we’re in a close, committed relationship is refilling things around the house — when we use the last of the toilet paper roll and put a brand new role out so they don’t walk in to an empty cardboard core awaiting them. Refilling dish detergent is also important. As stupid as this sounds, so many people miss this stuff and it all adds up. When was the last time you spontaneously lit tealight candles on the back porch to enjoy the sunset and have a candlelit evening sipping homemade mochas? That’s the kind of life I want to live.
We absolutely cannot treat our partners poorly without it bearing a reflection upon ourselves and our ability to make sound choices and follow through with them when times get tough. Our partners should inspire us, they should move us, they should compel us to get out and live in the world a little bit, to go down to that art walk or music festival, to dive into life and suck out the sweet nectar from the richest parts, unapologetically, and bring them with us. Part of this process is utilizing whatever efforts we can muster to make sure that they’ve got a big, fat, sweet smile on their faces and are enjoying themselves as much as we are.
I’m convinced that the cure to mindless cohabitation is nothing more than a little imagination.
As the wise 19th-century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It’s not a lack of love that destroys most marriages but a lack of friendship.” We should seek to find and eventually keep our best friends, if we choose the path of one partner, till-death-do-us-part, and other like ideas that are as old as time itself, and we should honor our best friends — not with our words or by living under the assumption that we’ll be there for them if they ever need us, but in our actions, our deeds, our gestures, and the way we live our lives. A little initiative goes a long way. So, why do some people date someone they’re not all that interested in or have no intention of treating extremely well? This is one thing I simply can’t figure out, but, for now, I’ll just be thankful that I’ve found someone who lives as I do.
But if you’re out there and not sure how to treat your current or future significant other, reference back to this at any time and I can assure you the rewards for going the extra mile are beautiful beyond words.
Here’s another story for those interested: