Schadenfreude
Let’s learn to be kinder…
Schadenfreude is the enjoyment derived from the misery of others. Most of us would like to think we have matured past vengeful thinking towards those who have treated us poorly, but from time to time, our base human nature creeps up and sneaks out, reminding us that we are capable of something like schadenfreude.
Recent events have brought about contemplation of my own behavior and that of others. Within the past year, two of my co-workers have been released from employment. One of these individuals was my former boss. He was not a very nice guy, as a matter of fact, he was an unapologetic jerk. Many said he was lacking social skills, while others labeled him an ass. Everyone agreed that he needed some assistance in successfully interacting with others. I’d been the unfortunate recipient of his poor people skills on many occasions. Needless to say, we were not the best of friends, but I’d moved on in my life, very happy in a new position with the best boss anyone could ask for, and I’d made peace with the situation. As time marched on, I learned to pity my previous boss as there must have been something in life making him pretty miserable which made him treat others so poorly.
When he was released from employment, several colleagues approached me, asking if I was excited about his departure, almost as if they were gloating in what they felt was a victory. To some, it was a great moment to witness first hand that what goes around really does come around. We have all wanted to see the just hand of karma in action. But even if I wanted to participate in the victory dance, I simply could not. My mind, heart, and more importantly my soul reminded me that it was not only unkind, but really hateful to revel in the troubles of others. Some people probably thought I was being pious or trying to be the bigger person, but my heart went out to that man and his family. After all, he was just another person on this planet, trying to make a living, pay his bills, and carve out a bit of happiness. I honestly could say that I did not wish him any ill and hoped his future was brighter than this day.
On his last day, while walking by his office, he asked to speak with me. I expected the worst, past behavior is always the best indicator of future behavior. But suddenly and rather surprisingly, he expressed appreciation for my hard work during the time he was my boss. I was taken aback, completely caught off guard. I found myself stuttering, confused. I thanked him politely, shook his hand, and walked away, wondering how such a small but generous act came from this man who’d once treated me so badly? There were no apologies, he was still a jerk, but somehow, in that moment, forgiveness was given, and all grievances were erased.
As days went by, I found myself revisiting this situation. I was reminded that we’re all just people who sometimes make mistakes, some more egregious than others, but mistakes all the same. Some of us are nicer than others. Some of us are prettier. Some have bigger cars or better job titles, but we’re all just people. Rather than participating in schadenfreude and deriving some sick pleasure out of the troubles of others, even those who are our enemies, perhaps we should vow to extend the empathy and compassion we would hope would be extended to us, regardless of how likable we may or may not be to others.
