“Be yourself” isn’t good advice
Growing up, people told me the secret to a finding a good relationship or being in one was to“be yourself”.
But do you really understand what that advice means?
I didn’t, until I found myself in a relationship where I hated who I was.
The meaning of the advice changes depending on what stage you are in a relationship. At first it means don’t pretend to be someone else.
But once you find someone and you start to make compromises, it slowly changes into don’t forget who you are.
Relationships have compromises, accept that or do not date. The secret is to find someone who you can establish a balance with, where you can be with each other without either one losing who they are.
Being yourself isn’t good advice, because there isn’t an alternative. Being yourself is your only option to establish and maintain a healthy relationship.
Being yourself sometimes means disappointing, angering, and fighting with your lover.
We sometime make the mistake of thinking being a good partner means always being a nice partner. But when you prioritize being kind over honest, you being to tell your partner a lie, a lie about you who truly are.
It is important to be kind. When in doubt, be honest first, be kind second.
