I Am a Patient of Brodsky
Text messages to my mom in heaven
In September 2013, my mom, always the clumsy one in the family, fell down some stairs and hit her head.
She was at R’s house for dinner, looking on as R washed dishes. My dad and R’s husband were in the other room. The way R described it, my mom was there one second, and then she wasn’t.
That’s how I lost my mom, Linda Brodsky. She was 61 — there one second and then not.
Heroic surgery saved her from an instant end, but in giving her something approximating life — a deep coma with no hope of waking—it also gave us, her family, the painful ordeal of watching her in living death, not sure whether to pray for it to be over or entertain fantasies of a miracle.
The next five months were a hell of waking up and re-remembering reality without my mom. They were also a whirlwind of help and support from family, friends, the local Buffalo, NY community where she lived with my father, and her colleagues from around the world.
She was a physician, a well-respected one, both in Buffalo, where she helped thousands of kids and families, and around the world as an academic.
There is so much I could say about her that I’ve already said in more private settings. You can read some of it here in her official obituary in The Buffalo News or in this obituary in The Vineyard Gazette, a newspaper printed on Martha’s Vineyard, where she spent many summers.
But I only want to tell one story here, the story of one of my mom’s patients, someone I’ve never met but who I now share a deep connection with, who breaks me to pieces every time I hear from her.
When the accident first happened, one thing we did was set up a page on a website for families to use during such tragedies. The website allowed us to give updates on how mom was doing by posting bits of news rather than have to call and email hundreds of people. In my first post, I published both my personal email and phone number, letting everyone know that if they had questions, they could reach out to me.
The text messages poured in, some from people I knew, many from unfamiliar phone numbers.
Below is the complete, unedited transcript of the messages from one such unfamiliar number. I have shortened the sender’s name where it appears to protect the sender’s identity.
Every time I receive a message or a call (that goes unanswered) from M, I feel a real stabbing pain in my chest. But, in a way, it’s my only daily connection to my mom, who passed on February 13.
I should also say that while I have never met M, I was fairly certain from the beginning that she has some kind of learning or developmental disability. She confirmed as much later in the messages.
Mon, Nov 4, 7:46 PM
M: You have a chance to read the guest book yet i have a long post about your mother linda brodsky i am a patient of brodsky. From M
Wed, Nov 20, 12:01 PM
M: When you guys leaving to up to buffalo. I just want to meet the rest of the family. Just let me know when. From dr brodsky patient M
Wed, Nov 20, 5:11 PM
J: Hi M—we should all be in town over thanksgiving. Not sure when we’ll go to the hospital, though.
M: You have a chance read the guest book of my post you have a chance to read it yet. From M
M: Hey just text me when you come in on wed
J: Thanks, M. I read the post. Very nice
M: You very supise what i worte about linda
M: Hey you on facebook
Thu, Nov 21, 4:40 PM
M: I saw your post on website
Thu, Nov 21, 4:40 PM
M: I almost cry reading your post today. It know it a hard time for you. It tough form as a patient to see her like this. Just free to text me when ever no hesite to ask anything from me just being a patient.
Fri, Nov 22, 8:48 AM
M: You read my text measage from last night.
J: Yes. Thank you.
Fri, Nov 22, 12:02 PM
M: Hey i got your text i was in class you when you text me.
M: Hey just keep in touch.
Fri, Nov 22, 8:33 PM
M: What you doing right now
Sat, Nov 23, 8:03 PM
M: Hey you belive me i am a high senoir or not
Sun, Nov 24, 9:57 PM
M: What is the staus on thankgivng
Tue, Nov 26, 7:34 AM
M: What is the staus about thanksgivng
Tue, Nov 26, 10:10 PM
M: What is the staus of thankgivng
M: I know the weather is snow
Wed, Nov 27, 8:25 PM
M: I wish you guys a happy thankgivng. I wish could up and meet you at the hospital.
M: Hey in buffalo yet or not. Just text me you get the hopstial
M: When you guys leaving for buffalo or you already in town
Thu, Nov 28, 11:20 AM
M: Happy thankgivng your family. Enjoy time with your mother today.
Thu, Nov 28, 9:21 PM
M: Hey was your thankgivng today visting your mother today in the hostipal
Fri, Nov 29, 10:27 PM
M: Hey how are doing good after thanksgivng is done.
Wed, Dec 4, 1:10 PM
M: How you doing right now
M: How are you doing. Just asking i have thinking about you alot since thanksgivng. Love M
M: How was your thanksgivng with your mother
Thu, Dec 5, 7:54 PM
M: How are you doing.
Sun, Dec 8, 11:24 AM
M: You know their any upadate about your mom. Dr. brodsky. Please let me know. Love M
Sun, Dec 8, 3:22 PM
M: Their any update about your mom
Fri, Dec 13, 5:17 PM
M: Their any update about your mom. Just let me. Thanks. M
Fri, Dec 13, 10:54 PM
M: Hey how your mom doing theases days. Any upadate.
M: I have a qestion to ask you. It ok i plan big groups going see your mom and her patient M. Alot of people not have a chance go see her. That why i am planning 2 other people are helping me. It going be over holiday break for me.
M: I have a qestion to ask you. It ok i plan big groups going see your mom and her patient M. Alot of people not have a chance go see her. That why i am planning 2 other people are helping me. It going be over holiday break for me.
Sun, Dec 15, 2:06 PM
M: When you guys planning come up for the holidays see your mom.
Wed, Dec 18, 9:15 AM
M: Hey i made song up for your mom known as my dr.
Sun, Dec 22, 4:12 PM
M: You guys coming up for the holidays.
M: Coming up to buffalo for the holidays.
Sun, Dec 22, 10:00 PM
M: You coming up for the holidays that i want to know.
Tue, Dec 24, 12:40 PM
M: Hey i wish you merry christmas eve to your rest of the family.
Wed, Dec 25, 6:22 PM
M: Hey i went to see your mom today.
M: More pitures and love letters. For linda she move today.
Sun, Jan 5, 5:41 PM
M: Hey when you coming up again so i meet you
Sat, Jan 11, 4:39 PM
M: You atcally what happen to linda i know she fell. I know she fell down some steps. You know she fell outside or inside i am mix storys.
Sun, Jan 12, 5:22 PM
M: When you guys come up again to buffalo
Sat, Jan 18, 3:57 PM
M: What is going on i been hearing linda. Linda been move at all
Sat, Jan 18, 5:43 PM
M: You know anything about linda i am worry.
M: You know anything about linda where she at.
M: You know anything about linda
M: You please call me is about linda brodsky
M: I am linda girl just want to know
M: I left you a long message on your phone
Sun, Jan 19, 3:24 PM
M: Hey jermany how are you doing right now
Mon, Jan 20, 11:36 AM
M: How you guys doing right now any word yet about linda . From M
M: If please would text me back it will be great so i know what is going on about linda call her smiley. Just let dealtils please. Love M
Mon, Jan 20, 2:39 PM
M: I have a qestion about linda.
M: I have a qestion about linda. You guys want any people go see linda right now. I know is a very tough time right now. Just hand in their. Love M
Mon, Jan 20, 10:56 PM
M: You guys with your mom right now or not. I just want to know that any time you call me or text me.
Tue, Jan 21, 11:42 AM
M: Hey i am think about you guys doing this tough time. Love M
Mon, Jan 27, 11:00 AM
M: You guys with your mom. Dr brodsky. I really want to meet you so bad. I have some people asking you guys in town with your mom. Love M
M: I quick qestion to ask you. About visiting your mom. How you guys doing threw all this stuff happening with your mom. Love M
Wed, Jan 29, 2:05 PM
M: I have some speacial to read to you
Sat, Feb 1, 6:18 PM
M: Hey how you survuring all this with your mom and a dr being in hopsice. CAll me please
Sun, Feb 2, 4:16 PM
M: If you please call me today or text me today i been thinking about you alot.
Thu, Feb 6, 6:08 PM
M: You please text me i will feel so munch better.
Thu, Feb 6, 7:30 PM
M: I know this a very tough time for you having your mother not doing so well. You please call my cell phone or text me please. I feel the same way about what is going on i love her to death.
Fri, Feb 7, 12:34 PM
M: Hey i am going see your mom today.
Sat, Feb 8, 8:30 PM
M: Hey i got gold in special oylimcs in snowshoing. For your mom i weared red.
Sun, Feb 9, 2:23 PM
M: Hey you guys with your mom today or not.
Sun, Feb 9, 6:45 PM
M: I have a letter for you and danna.
M: It about your mom
Fri, Feb, 14, 9:37 AM
M: How you doing terbblie loss.
Fri, Feb 14, 12:46 PM
M: Hey i am very sad for the loss the funnrel was beafutial today.
Fri, Feb 14, 4:59 PM
M: See you on sunday then
Mon, Feb 17, 4:25 PM
M: How you guys doing i have been about you.
M: I will have special persnet for you on apirl 28th. I have been thinking about and talking about you alot. Not afaid to call me.
Tue, Feb 25, 11:34 AM
M: Just letting you know that we need to meet up in may or the end of apirl some place in buffalo. How we do it on may 23th in the evening. I want to make more special for us.
M: It something special you not even know about yet find out in may or apirl.
Sat, Mar 1, 3:49 PM
M: How you guys doing everthing with your mother loss
Wed, Mar 5, 9:32 PM
M: What is your home adress i want to know so. I can send you a card.
Thu, Mar 6, 11:35 AM
M: Hey you meet up with in may 23th on your mother birthday. Or in apirl the last hole week of apirl. Their something eterxa special coming your danna way.
Mon, Mar 10, 9:01 PM
M: You please call me i need to talk you not threw texting
Thu, Mar 13, 8:57 AM
M: Hey you text me. When you free after apirl 27th.
Fri, Mar 21, 7:53 PM
M: I am talking about you tonight.
Wed, Mar 26, 9:39 PM
M: When a good time to meet up.
M: After apirl 27th we can meet up.
M: I want your part of the family like you dainna. Part of the family at else on a weekend.
———
Initially, I stopped responding to her because I had too much else to worry about. I was getting dozens of text messages from other people — friends and strangers—that were going without response at the same time. Now, I wish I could go back in time and give her a little attention, answer some of her questions.
I’m sure the texts and calls won’t stop. At least not any time soon. And I’m glad for that. I don’t know if I’ll ever respond.
