As he falls to sleep.

Here Is Angie
Feb 23, 2019 · 3 min read

(Originally posted 6/30/2016)

That sweet bliss of watching him fall off to sleep at the end of a long day. How he lies there so quietly just staring at the ceiling thinking of… I don’t know what. I wish I did know. Maybe what Lego he’ll build tomorrow. His eyes close for a bit then open slowly again. No. Not asleep yet. I watch as his body relaxes more and falls deeper into his pillow. Lying on his side, with his cheeks and lips pressed, looking sort of schmushed up, making him look like he’s blowing kisses. So cozy. So peaceful.

He opens his eyes very slowly, looks at me, smiles then closes them again. Knowing I’m there to help transition from the day, into his sleep filled night, gives him comfort. I will admit, some nights are challenging, like when I’m so exhausted and I just wish he’d fall asleep, yet he fights it. But tonight, I was welled up with feeling what a privilege it is to have this magical, special time with him. To see him drift off into dreamland. His hands and feet start to twitch just a bit. I wonder what he may be dreaming about.

Tonight he chose to sleep shirtless because of the summer heat. Seeing his soft skin and sweet half naked body, reminds me of when he was a baby and would just wear a diaper in the heat. Where did that time go? I know it’s such a cliche but seriously, when did I become the mom to a 6 1/2 year old? I linger in the bed just staring at his beautiful face. I begin to feel the tears well up. The huge surge of emotions begin to erupt. He is pure perfection. This feeling is love. A mother’s love. There is nothing else like it I’ve ever known. It fills me up and can drain me dry, if I don’t remember to fill my own tank and take care of myself.

Our children need us so much and we sometimes enjoy the need and it can fuel us and give us a purpose that we’ve never had before. We understand how profound it is and it can make us feel so important. But it’s not about us, it’s about this special being, however they came into our lives. They chose us and it’s happening now and lasts forever. It’s the most delicate, precious, major experience of our lifetime. It can break us, if we’re not careful. That’s how big a mother’s love is. It can swallow us whole and take possession of us, if we aren’t truly aware of who we are.

I’m so grateful and honored to be my son’s mother. Being a mother has been my life’s dream. But I know I’m more than a mother. I am the whole wide universe. I am that beautiful innocent face that I lingered to watch sleep. He and I are one. When I look at him in his Star Wars /Transformers decorated room, softly lit by his closet nightlight, and diffuser, I cry. I cry because, this moment. This is what life is. This is all that matters. This moment of connection and seeing him in all his magnificent glory, knowing, I, too, contain the same exact beauty and perfection.

We all came into this world that way. Perfect and whole and completely filled with spirit. This is why I cry. I feel it so intensely and true. Knowing my child and I are one with the universe. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. I’m beautiful. Loving him as I do, with a mother’s love is what has helped to remind me of the purity of God’s love. There I said it. I just had a God moment while watching my son fall asleep. That’s what I was trying to say all along.

Here’s to being more aware and in the moment so I can feel these God moments more often. I’ve been having them more lately and I sure as heck like them. That’s what being more conscious can do for you. Imagine if we all were walking around more conscious having these little God moments of true connection and bliss. Wow. Peace on Earth, that’s what would happen. If more people could just watch my son fall off to sleep, that might do the trick.

MommyWantsMoreSleep

Being a mom is the most exhilarating, exhausting job ever.

MommyWantsMoreSleep

Being a mom is the most exhilarating, exhausting job ever. Functioning with less sleep is a job requirement. From meditation to mayhem, this blog will cover: Adoption, Conscious & Peaceful Parenting, Teach Through Love parent education, marriage, inspiration, and coffee!

Here Is Angie

Written by

Parent educator of TEACH Through Love. Founder Adoptive Parents Support Group. Homeschools son. Grateful. Swell sense of humor. Owner http://Evolvingparents.com

MommyWantsMoreSleep

Being a mom is the most exhilarating, exhausting job ever. Functioning with less sleep is a job requirement. From meditation to mayhem, this blog will cover: Adoption, Conscious & Peaceful Parenting, Teach Through Love parent education, marriage, inspiration, and coffee!

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store