(Originally posted 4/17/2016)
Please forgive me. It’s been six weeks since my last confession. I mean blog post.
Having a blog now I’m filled with so much to say, yet it’s so hard to pinpoint what I want to say next. I’ve made lists and started writing things in my head while walking our dog, or brushing my teeth, or doing laundry. Usually most often as I lie in bed at night, slowly drifting off to sleep. It’s then I vow, tomorrow will be the day I finally sit back down again and write a new blog post.
Now I’ve realized that I’ve put too much pressure on myself and feel it’s another one of my “shoulds” on my list. I keep should-ing all over myself daily! It’s one of those things people do who have too much to do and not enough time. Or a maybe someone who’s a type A personality.
Let me perfectly clear, I am NOT a Type A personality. I’m not anal or even very organized. In fact if you saw my house, you would see it filled with unwashed dishes, piles of paper, clean laundry waiting to be folded or maybe folded laundry waiting to put be put away. For sure you would see toys in every room.
I like to call all of that, signs of a well-lived happy life. But it also can make me feel guilty and I might compare myself to others. I am learning to be okay with it. I’m getting better. I still have the need to pick up and clean before someone comes over. I call that pride in your home but I also know it’s still fear of being judged. That someone will say that I should clean up more! There it is again. Should!
Here’s a list of some of the things I should do:
Walk the dog more times a day
Bathe dog on my own to save money
Clear out toys and clothes more often and give to charities or others
Wear makeup more often
Dress up more
Take a belly dance class
Take a writing class
Take a cooking class
Take any kind of class
Sign my son up for basketball
Sign my son up for baseball
Sign my son up for dance
Sign my son up for guitar
Find a summer camp for my son
Do more arts & crafts with my son
Hang more things on my walls
Print out my pictures
Put more pictures in frames
Make more photo albums
Cook more meals
Learn more about essential oils
Email friends more
Call friends more
Text friends more
See friends more
Make new friends
Forgive certain people
Watch more movies
Read more books
Have a date with my husband
Have sex with my husband
Get more sleep
Stop drinking coffee
Listen to music more
Make more lists
Love myself more
Get more manicures & pedicures
Give myself manicures & pedicures to save money
Get a massage
Go see chiropractor
Cut out coupons to save us money
Write more blogs
Start a blog. Hey! Wait! I did that one! Now here I am thinking about what I SHOULD be writing about it.
There! A little bit of what goes on in my head. Oh, I could go on, but you get it. It’s enough to drive a person crazy.
Believe it or not, I’ve learned to tame the voices in my head. I have narrowed it down and discovered what is most important to do so it all sort of falls in line, or better yet, it just falls away and I stop should-ing on myself all together. That’s right! It can stop.
The first and only thing I should do in order to do all other things, is to just breath. To just be fully present in the moment. If that doesn’t work, then breathe deeper and feel my feet firmly on the ground or my butt fully in the seat and just Be. Close my eyes and go deep within to find my truer and higher self that already loves me and accepts me for who I am. That true self has no worries, fear, anxieties or doubts. She just IS.
It may sound so simple. It’s not and yet it is. It’s something I have to remind myself to do, gently. So it doesn’t become one of the crazy Shoulds again!
I need to truly just Eckhart Tolle my life more and remember the power of now. Remember I am. And that’s all that matters. Yes. I am many things but as Eckhart says, anything we say after those two words, I am… is only temporary. The only true statement we can say is, “I am.”
So, for now this moment, no more should-ing, and more I am-ing!