How Can I Be Happy While Ukraine Is Being Destroyed?
I have to give myself permission to live my life even though others on this planet are fighting for theirs
I remember the first night I turned on the news and learned about the war in Ukraine. I sat watching, unable to tear my eyes away from the brave and innocent people fighting for their lives. My heart hurt as I watched the beautiful country of Ukraine being destroyed. Since that first night, I watch the news each day and pay attention to the atrocities. And, then, when watching becomes almost unbearable or “normal” life calls, I turn the TV off and go about my day.
This is where things get confusing for me. How can I live “normally” while another country is being destroyed? How can I be happy when so many people are suffering? Bad things are happening to good people.
My husband and I are in the process of building a house. For the past few weeks, tile has been the subject of many conversations. We talk about the color we should choose. Should we go for a trendy blue tile or stick with a classic neutral? We wonder if it will stand the test of time. Will we get sick of it? These decisions seem very important, permanent. We don’t want to make a mistake because tile is expensive. We plan on living in this house for a long time.
It was during one of these conversations that I wondered if there are any Ukrainian people who were in the process of building a house? Picking out tile? Planning on living in their new house for a long time? I’m sure the answer is yes.
Bad things are happening to good people.
Indeed, the choice of tile is the least of their concerns and seems very irrelevant. It doesn’t matter at all. In fact, the house they were building might not even be standing. Instead of picking out tile, they are fighting for their lives, saying goodbye to their county as they know it, maybe even saying goodbye to each other.
I wonder how I can feel happy about building a house and at the same time watch other people’s homes turn to rubble. I wonder how I can do my work, run errands, try a new chicken dish, all while innocent people are literally being killed and fighting for their lives.
What does this say about me? What kind of person am I?
I’ve been asking myself these questions since the war began. After a lot of thought, I understand something important. What helps me reconcile this internal conflict is the awareness that darkness and light can, and will, always coexist.
I can go about my “normal” life, and still care deeply about what is happening to the people of Ukraine. I’m not a terrible person for giving myself permission to live my life even though others on this planet are fighting for theirs. It is hard to process and reconcile, but if we’re waiting for the absence of darkness to be happy, we’ll never get it. Instead, we owe it to ourselves to make the most of each day of our lives and find the good, even when it feels hard and heavy. Even when bad things are happening. Even when we might have to work a little harder to find our joy.
It’s OK to celebrate the light in your life, even though others are drowning in darkness. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a human, living on planet earth, with all of its challenges and imperfections.
What helps me reconcile this internal conflict is the awareness that darkness and light can, and will, always coexist.
I will continue to turn on the news and pay attention to what is going on in Ukraine. I care deeply and will do what I can to help the people fighting for their lives. At the same time, I know how lucky I am to live here and not there. Eventually, I’ll turn off the TV, go about my “normal” life, and realize how very blessed I am.
Darkness and light can coexist, I can feel both sadness and joy, and I owe it to myself to make the most of each day I am blessed to be alive.
Dara Kurtz, after being diagnosed with breast cancer seven years ago at the age of forty-two, left her twenty-year career as a financial advisor to focus on writing, speaking, and podcasting. Today her personal blog Crazy Perfect Life reaches over 200,000 followers. Dara is the author of three books, including her most recent I Am My Mother’s Daughter: Wisdom on Life, Loss, and Love. Dara has been on over 30 podcast, radio, and TV shows. Her goal is to use her life experiences to help people strengthen their relationships and create more happiness and joy in their everyday lives.
