It’s Been a Tough Year, Allow Yourself to Feel Joy Again

I won’t be posting my vaccine sticker on social media, but I will pause to celebrate the milestone

I feel a certain lightness, a buzz that usually comes from the first signs of spring or upon seeing a loved one. The cause of this elation, and the reason for the increased dopamine and serotonin I feel, is that I am fully vaccinated and optimistic after a most difficult and confusing year.

Should I feel guilty about that feeling?

Last year was characterized by loss. I believe we have come closer as a nation — and as global citizens — to understanding that loss touches all of us in unique ways at some point in our lives.

Prior to the pandemic, I was familiar with loss in its many forms. Relating to my public story, people often shared their stories of grief with me. The circumstances of these losses included divorce, hitting rock bottom due to an addiction or financial failure, or deaths in the family. I thought I was isolated in my state of grief but soon learned that loss is loss is loss.

During the pandemic, most of us lost out on normal routines. Weddings and graduations were canceled or postponed; bank accounts took scary dips; we were isolated from our families for an entire year. We saw offices, restaurants, and other small businesses closed and boarded up. Many of us were confronted with the cold rush of anxiety, and over 500,000 families (not to mention their health care providers, friends, and colleagues) had a literal void at their dinner tables.

How do we emerge from this moment? Is it normal to feel a sense of guilt about the desire to move on? How can we talk with one another about loss respectfully and empathetically?

Grief has no timetable. The likely scenario for most of us emerging from this brutal year is that we will feel a sense of excitement as things slowly open up again, but then we will remember all that we went through and fall precariously back into a state of anxiety. As that pattern continues, know that these feelings are a normal part of the grieving process.

In my darkest hour, I truly didn’t know if I would emerge and become a functioning member of society again. The pain was all-encompassing.

The key to finding resiliency in unexpected ways after a devastating loss is to first acknowledge that you are grieving. Give yourself that permission. Dive into those feelings that overwhelm you.

I can say that what helped me to emerge from this dark place was a message from a total stranger (now a dear friend), who said to me, “Jason, you will find joy.” I didn’t even know what that would feel like. However, the passage of time does things we don’t expect. It allows us to find new meaning, hope, and perspective to appreciate the simple moments that life has to offer.

As children return to school, and restaurants, parks, beaches, and ballparks beckon us once again, accept these glimmers of progress and let them fuel your hope for new versions of the world. Take the time to celebrate those changes after a year without them.

It is okay. It’s even necessary.

In the way she lived, and in her death, my late wife led me to this epiphany. The perspective might be slightly different for all of us. Perhaps we place greater value on the relationships we have with the older members of our family now. Or maybe you got to see your child, niece, nephew, or grandchild with clearer eyes and joined in their discovery and wonder in the world. Hold on to that.

The random acts of kindness we conducted last year— dropping off groceries for our elderly neighbors, drive-by birthday greetings, sharing music on our balconies — should be remembered and incorporated into our new lives moving forward.

I won’t be posting my vaccine sticker on social media, but I will pause and celebrate the milestone. I will carry my losses with me, not feeling shame or remorse for understanding that it is more than okay to discover new meaning in a post-pandemic life.

Jason B. Rosenthal is an author, foundation Board Chair, public speaker and lawyer. He is also the subject of an essay written by his late wife, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, called You May Want to Marry My Husband that went viral and was read by millions of readers worldwide. His first book, written in collaboration with his daughter Paris called Dear Boy, debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list at #1. His response to Amy’s piece titled, My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me, was published in 2018.