My 5 Secrets for Making Back-to-School Smooth and Easy

Take a moment to get clear on what’s most important to you and your family

I have four boys and, if you’re anything like me, the thought of “back-to-school” causes a lump in your throat. My brain feels like it’s spinning seventeen plates of various shapes and sizes while I simultaneously cover myself with a blanket, trying to soothe my anxiety and frustration with the world.

I wish I had that crystal ball to tell exactly what the future holds. Sadly, I don’t.

What I can offer you, though, are five tips that can reduce your anxiety, minimize the conflict in your house, and instill more confidence and autonomy in your kids.

Let’s do this!

Tip #1: The Bedtime Gamut

How do you feel when you don’t sleep well? Are you thinking clearly? Do you feel calm? Do you remember where you left your car keys? You’re never irritable and grouchy after a bad night of sleep, right?

Well, it’s the same for our kiddos! Perhaps even more so. They need sleep so their minds and bodies can function well. A night of quality sleep will help their emotional regulation, mental focus, memory, concentration, and patience levels.

Safeguarding sleep in your house will help in myriad ways. Here’s how to actually do it:

1. If bedtime crept later over the summer, slowly move it back by fifteen minutes every three nights.
2. Start their bedtime wind-down earlier. For example, instead of devices or online activities one hour before bedtime, have your child do a mentally decompressing activity like reading, journaling, listening to music, or using a meditation app to listen to a bedtime story.
3. Individualize bedtime routines. Just like adults, kids have different internal clocks and different capacities for self-regulation. You know your children best. Help them to figure out for themselves the best way they can wind down to get more sleep and better quality sleep. According to sleep experts, children ages 3–5 years need 10–13 hours per day (including naps), ages 6–12 years need 9–12 hours per day, and ages 13–19 years need 8–10 hours per day.

Tip #2: Delegate by Grade Level

Surprise! Your child is a year older than they were last year. Crazy, right? So, they can probably do more. They can probably help you more. They can probably stretch themselves a little more, even if it feels uncomfortable. Ask yourself: What did I do for them last year that maybe — just maybe — they can do by themselves this year?

For instance, maybe they can make their own lunch, email their teacher when they have a problem or a question, create their own homework schedule, wash dishes, or change their sheets once a week. Delegating tasks around self-care, school preparation, and housework can foster independence and instill confidence in your children.

I recommend a percentage-by-grade guideline for delegating. Your second-grader can take care of 20 percent of their own scheduling, lunch planning, and preparation, and household responsibilities (then your fifth-grader 50 percent, a ninth-grader 90 percent, etc.).

When children have a more direct hand in packing lunches or creating their homework schedule, they’re far more likely to eat the lunch and do the homework (and far less likely to complain about it). Delegating these jobs not only fosters a sense of autonomy and responsibility in your children, it also takes some of these tasks off your hands!

Tip #3: One Size Does Not Fit All

Let’s talk routines. Honestly, I kinda hate them. (I don’t like being told what to do, even if it’s coming from me.) Some folks love routines. It helps them feel more in control, safer, and less stressed. Here’s the point, your kids are all different too. Some will thrive with a set routine and some will fight it tooth and nail. Take a moment before jumping back into “school mode” to check in with your kiddos about the new fall routine.

And please remember — you’re the parent who pays the bills, has more experience, and is responsible for keeping your children safe and healthy and well. You get to make the final decision. Seriously, your kids can smell hesitancy a mile away. Stay strong and remember kids thrive when they feel safe and secure. If they have a parent who they can boss around, that can be really unsettling psychologically. I’m telling you this not to inflict guilt or judgment — only to help give you the confidence and strength you need to stand by your decisions.

Tip #4: Close the Future Gap

Worry and anxiety flourish and spread when the future feels uncertain or unstable. That potential unknown amplifies our stress but doesn’t help us to actually control anything, right? So what do we do about it? How do we release our fear or our worries about the unknown future? It’s easier said than, done for sure.

Here’s what I want you to do — close the future gap. If you’re focused on next month, reset your focus to next week. If you’re worried about next week, reset your focus on tomorrow, if tomorrow feels too daunting, focus on the next three hours. You, my friend, have survived absolutely everything that has ever happened to you in your entire life. You survived it. You’re here. And there’s a reason you’re reading this at this exact moment. Only focus as far into the future as allows you to breathe and function with poise and clarity.

Tip #5: Remember the Point

What is the point of school anyway? It’s incredibly important to step back and ask yourself what skills, knowledge, and abilities you really want your child to know by the time they leave your nest.

In the “real world,” we reward people who are extremely good at one thing — music, accounting, design, engineering, writing, etc. Of course, we want our kids exposed to lots of different things, to learn tenacity, patience, and problem-solving skills. We want them to be kind and compassionate and confident and good communicators. We want them to have friends, be active, find what lights them up. We want them to feel loved and supported by good people.

Even so, it’s incredibly easy to get wrapped up in the anxiety that they’re falling “behind” or they missed learning something important last year with all the changes and online learning challenges. Ask yourself, how can I help pave the path for my kiddos to use their natural strengths to make a place in the world where they can do good and feel good (and make enough money to move out of your basement).

When you take a moment to get really clear on what is most important to you and your family, it’ll alleviate some of the pressures and anxieties that the school year can bring into your world.

You’ve got this. I have faith in you.

Amber Trueblood is a licensed therapist, author, podcaster, and mother of four sons. Trueblood creates free content, courses, workshops, and simple self-care tools for entrepreneur moms. Since the 2019 launch of Stretch Marks, she’s written and contributed to articles in national publications including O: The Oprah Magazine, Bustle, People, Fatherly, Wedding Wire, MindBodyGreen, Good Housekeeping, and Parade. She’s also appeared as a featured expert on television stations such as E! Daily Pop, KTLA, CBS8, and Good Day LA!