The Joy of Sinning
There is a bit of irony in life when you finally decide to give something over to God and it hurts. It hurts to let go of that crutch, or it’s scary to do that new thing, or the silence you’ve chosen to sit in starts feeling deafening. I think Paul knew this irony well when he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good” in Romans 7:15–16. He understood delighting in God but he also knew his sinful nature was real and active.
An example- I’ve been having some bad headaches and neck pain lately but I have done nothing to correct it. For the past week, I’ve conscientiously done stretching exercises to relieve the pain. I’ve turned on YouTube in my den and done some exercising that I normally try to steer clear of because I don’t enjoy it. But I’m realizing that with age comes core issues. So you can find me rolling around on the floor like a turtle some mornings after awkwardly doing cardio that looks nothing like the lady modeling it on the tv while I watch. But I’m trying. This morning I woke up with hurting thighs as a result of that trying. Doing that which I should do instead of what I want to do often brings pain before it brings healing.
So many times I have finally given over a sin pattern in my life only to realize when God clears the path for me, it hurts. Why wouldn’t it? We would sin a whole lot less if it wasn’t fulfilling! Satan knows that. Just like he tempted Jesus, he knows what human weaknesses look like and he has his demons roaming the earth watching us. Every few years I read a fictional story about this by CS Lewis called ”The Screwtape Letters.” In this book, there is sarcasm, wit, and revelation on just how weak and predictable “man” is in the face of certain temptations. I repeat read it because I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of forgetting that there are evil forces out there trying to sway even a Granna who is a part-time adjunct instructor in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
God, thank you for quickly answering prayers when I give my heart over to you in reluctant obedience. Help me to focus on the joy of obedience, not the loss of my own desires. Show me glimpses of the good that is coming from these changes. Help me to pick up my cross daily, not just when I’ve allowed sin to creep too far into my life. Thank you for showing me what it means to delight in you. Thank you for pruning away the ugly stuff, and for giving me the desire to follow you- even on days I am walking through the motions. Use this type of obedience to show me your grace, mercy, and guidance.
