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Pandemic Reflections — One Year later. FEAR. My One Regret.

  • What do you wish you’d known or done differently one year ago?

I would have flown out to be at my mom’s side in the Covid ICU unit when she transitioned to heaven at 12:00 p.m. on May 5, 2020.

I would have been there to fight for my father to be able to see my Mom in person in the nursing home on their Wedding Anniversary on April 9, 2020.

Oh. God. Help. Me. I still feel sad and guilty I could not do more to help my Mom and Dad during the Pandemic.

I lived in FEAR. I watched the NEWS. I read the papers. I watched the tweets. I tried to have faith. I failed.

Doctor Li Wenliang.

In February, I was fixated on the face of one medical doctor who died. On February 7, 2020 Doctor Wenliang died. His face is forevermore burnt in my memory and soul.

February 7, 2020

Doctor Le Wenliang tried to warn the world about the what was about to happen.

When I look at this Doctor now — — — I still feel fear, but I also see strength and resolve in him I didn’t see before.

He isn’t frowning. He is looking right at you.

I tried to embrace Faith over Fear after this picture, but my actions spoke louder than my words.

I didn’t get on the plane, like my brother did to go help my dad.

I didn’t go see my mom in the hospital like my father and brothers did.

I didn’t get to thank the wonderful doctors and nurses who helped my mother through her last days on this planet in person.

I didn’t attend my Mom’s funeral.

These are my regrets.

I wish I had done more. I wish I double masked, had PPE and had done more to be there.

All I can do now, is try to look for the “good” in every day and learn from the past.

I see birds. I hear birds. Birds keep flying in my home and think, maybe my Mom is trying to tell me she is ok. She has transitioned to a better place.

I see baby whales. I smell flowers blooming. I feel the warm sun as it rises and sets.

Today, I will try to be ok with my past and how I lived in Fear. Today, I will embrace Faith. I will pray, and ask for serenity to accept this pandemic, courage to make the coming year better, and wisdom to know that all will be well no matter what happens next.



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Pamela Conley Ulich

Pamela Conley Ulich

Girl from Kansas living the California dream. Believes we can make the world better when we search for truth and bring love every day. PamelaConleyUlich.com