I will find You.

I grew up in a non-religious family. We never went to church, we don’t pray before or after meals. My father believes in God, but he’s not showy or whatever. He reads the bible from time to time, and we even do the Visita Iglesia where we have a Laguna road-trip and visit as many churches as we can in one day. He tells me that I should always believe and fear God. But how could I if the only time I attended a mass as a child was with my Yaya when I pleaded to bring me along. Well, yes, I believe in God, I do. But my idea of Him is so vague that I am almost always in doubt. Two years ago, I found a church that I loved. I regularly attended and I even joined a group. I felt alive, I felt close to Him. There were times that I would just talk to Him out of the blue and I’ll get chills, and I loved it. I felt that He’s always beside me. But there were still a lot of questions in my mind, things were still unclear to me. I know that I love Him, I know that I believe Him, but there are still these doubts. After some time, I stopped going to the church, and eventually, these questions, these doubts, filled my mind. And I hate myself for it. This needs to change. I need to know Him. I need to find Him.

And that’s what I’ll do. I’ll find Him. Two days ago, I made a promise to myself to read the bible at least once a day. I also subscribed to this Bible in 90 Days reading plan. And soon, maybe I’ll try attend the church again. Heck, I am so excited to let Him take the wheel for me. I know this will be an awesome journey. I just know it.