No one wants to believe what they’ve been taught their whole life is a lie.
Cognitive dissonance amongst the collective & an excerpt from upcoming sci-fi novel by Author Kimberly A. Irwin
The below in quotations is an excerpt from upcoming debut novel, the Enlightenment saga Book 1, by Author Kimberly A. Irwin, (unpublished, all rights reserved).
“No one wants to believe that what they’ve been taught their whole life is a lie.
When you’ve sacrificed and put your reputation, your integrity, your life even, on the line for your beliefs — to one day suddenly find out that the things that you believed wholeheartedly, fervently, aren’t what you thought — aren’t true — you can’t accept it. Your mind literally will refuse to wrap itself around the concept because it is too painful to believe that what you believed in your whole life isn’t real. And that what you were fighting for… not even doesn’t matter… just doesn’t exist.
That, I think, is what is truly devastating, and I think that’s where a lot of strong cognitive dissonance occurs, because the brain has to protect itself. All humans are wired this way. It’s an act of self-preservation.
If the thing you’re passionate about and you’ve been fighting for is also very much wrapped up in your identity and how you think of yourself as a person, so it’s not just the feeling of betrayal and ‘Oh I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life,’ it’s so much bigger than that — your entire worldview is shattered. Shattered your entire ego, your entire identity, and to be a full fledged adult who has believed something for the majority of your life and then to suddenly have it ripped away or very strongly questioned and to the point where you question yourself and find yourself not knowing who you are anymore?
That’s a very scary thought and a very scary place to be, and so to protect itself the brain doesn’t go there. If it starts to see ‘Hey, this contradicts my worldview, what I believe, this contradicts my identity. I can’t believe that everything I’ve been fighting for and everything I’ve done my whole life is a lie’ and so to protect itself the brain ignores it. You subconsciously decide, ‘Nope, I’m not going to think about it and I’m just going to carry on doing what I’ve been doing because it’s all I know, it’s my comfort zone, and it’s what has always made sense and felt right to me.’
And then they justify it to themselves again later by finding other people that think and feel the same way that they do. They go into their bubble of warmth, their community of other people who also don’t ask questions, and they do their best to leave those nagging vicious doubts in the very deep recesses of their minds. It’s only when those doubts are thrust in front of them again so that they can’t ignore them, that those gates first open and that once strong pillar of a person… breaks.
That’s how you break someone. Tell them everything they believe in. Everything they are, is a lie. Tell them that, and watch them fight you to the death in denial, or if their brain unintentionally opens to the truth… watch them fall. For fall they will.
And there’s no telling how far they’ll fall because to them, nothing is real anymore, and there’s no ‘end’ in sight.”
Hope you enjoyed that quick sneak-peek into my upcoming debut novel! Title reveal coming soon, so stay tuned…
Cognitive dissonance is something everyone inevitably faces at some point in their life — not just in the pages and thoughts of a fictional character in a fictional universe.
It’s incredibly real. Admitting you were wrong about a long-held belief, or a core-part of your identity… will always be excruciatingly painful.
It could even be something purely personal, nothing at all to do with philosophy and the world at large.
Say your mother abandoned you, or neglected you emotionally as a child.
What would be easier to admit/accept? That she truly didn’t love you? Or that she loved you and she “did her best?” Even though deep down, you know all too well, she in no way did her best. Not even close. And you always deserved much much more.
You might come to that painful realization after several toxic relationships and expensive therapy sessions — because uncomfortable truths are just that painful. The brain truly will do everything in it’s power to protect itself/your sanity.
The mind almost “snaps” — why you hear the term “psychotic break” — when faced with logic/facts that completely 180 the person’s worldview.
It’s much more comfortable/safe feeling to just remain ignorant and believe what you’ve always believed, and stay in your comfort zone.
I was like that as a child. Change scared me. But I’m pleased to say that as I’ve grown and matured, I’m not so easily scared off. In fact I almost welcome discord. Not fighting — I’m a staunch pacifist — but healthy discussion. Not true debate, but open and honest dialogue with people who have a completely opposite worldview than you — I find that fascinating. I don’t want to be stuck in some echo-chamber with only like-minded friends parroting back exactly what I want to hear; telling me how amazing I am and I have no flaws.
That’s fake. That’s not real.
I crave genuine human connection and growth at the soul level.
I think we, as a collective, could all benefit from such an exercise, and reframing of priorities.
If we leaned into the discomfort… and allowed ourselves to hear the “other side” without decrying “snowflake!” or “cancelled!!” anytime someone disagrees adamantly with our deeply held beliefs; if we could remember at the end of the day, we’re all human, and we have more in common than not (assuming we’re loving human beings and not sociopaths, serial killers, etc.) then I think we’d find a lot more middle ground, and actually find compromise and get more done.
Writing the other side off — either side, right or left — to me, feels inescapably juvenile. Like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when things don’t go their way.
That’s how American politics feels to me. Both sides are guilty. Right and Left. Both point fingers, blame, disparage, slander.
No room for respect and mutual cooperation/progress.
Let’s all be big boys and girls and remember we’re all living on this small rock called Earth floating in space, and it’s the only home we’ve got.
We have to find a way to challenge our biases; break free from the shackles of closed-mindedness and cognitive dissonance, and find a way to bridge the gaps and heal the deep and painful wounds we’ve inflicted upon each other.
The protests and riots following the brutal public murder of George Floyd come to mind when I think of the divide between right and left. Eventually frustrations and anger will boil over, as they did then, and I’m afraid of what will happen if we never learn to listen to each other. We cannot continue as we have.
We don’t have to hold hands and sing kumbaya; we don’t have to be best friends. But we should be able to be civil and respectful, and acknowledge that others have vastly different lived experiences/backgrounds than we do — and they probably have incredibly valid and sane reasons for holding the beliefs they hold.
All to say, I hope we can someday find it within ourselves to seek out the humanity in all of us, and focus more on the good than on the bad. Because to me, there are so, so many more good people, and things we all have in common, than things we don’t.
Stay hopeful, friends. The future is ours. ❤
~Kim
Read more by Kimberly A. Irwin by following her on Medium, and @Kimberly1rwin, on both Twitter and Instagram.
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